Twenty-Somethings

on: authority

2011-01-29T11:20:00.002-06:00

Excerpt from Donald Miller's blog post: "A Creator Must Believe He Has the Authority to Create"

"And this is how it is with stepping into the role of a creator. Made in the image of God, able to speak something into nothing, able to create solutions to the world's problems, we stammer about in disbelief, waiting for someone else to take responsibility for our lives and for the lives we have been given to care for. We are all creators, but too many reject the God-given to create and instead become consumers, hiding in the safety of some government, some corporation, some self-help philosophy to take care of us. And so why should we be surprised when we turn around and somebody is sitting in our chair, dictating how our marriage will go, how our career will go, whether or not we will have peace with our neighbors? We shouldn't be surprised. We handed them our authority.

Until we believe we are creators, nothing will change save what some other creator changes for us. We are their servants, the consumers of whatever fate is dictated to us by the bold, be it good or bad."

Creators...'able to create solutions to the world's problems'... We're all artists, folks.

Music for your Wednesday

2011-01-05T16:05:00.001-06:00

The cutest damn cover you've ever seen of one of my favorite songs, via Max Wanger.

on: 2010.

2010-12-30T14:55:00.005-06:00

2010 was a great year. It really, really was. Inspired by an article on NPR, and my spectacular ability to forget things instantly, I decided to make a list of the 50 things that made me happiest this year. So, in no particular order:

1. Movies:
a. Inception,
b. Harry Potter,
c. Voyage of the Dawn Treader
d. Date Night

2. Quiet time for reading, looking over the snowy mountains of Colorado. (Feb)

3. Upgraded from my trusty point-and-shoot to a Nikon D80, thanks to Danielle Larson. (Sept)

4. Loren digging my sister’s car out of the snow at midnight. (Jan)

5. Old Spice commercial at the superbowl. (Feb)

6. English garden roses from Saipua in New York. (July)

7. Seeing the Lion King on Broadway, in which my friend Ben plays Pumba, AND getting the backstage tour. Simply magical. (July)

8. Seeing that a cohesive, supportive community really can beat out bad people, when Weston, MO ran the Westboro Baptist folks out of town. (Nov)

9. Baby animals. My blog is very nearly a baby animal blog. But this year, I discovered that is in fact possible to in fact pet a baby panda in a remote panda sanctuary in China. Add that one the bucket list. (Oct)

10. Three trips to the Zoo, D.C., St. Louis and Kansas City. And in Kansas City, THEY LET THE KANGAROOS RUN FREE(ISH). I was six feet from a baby kangaroo. (Jan, Aug, Nov)

11. I love places ripe for redemption. Thus, I did a lot of my graduate research on the city of Detroit. While there for Thanksgiving, the Eplers took me on a tour. It was something profound for me to experience a place written on my mind and heart first-hand. (Nov)

12. I have loved pandas my whole life. I finally saw a live one for the first time at the National Zoo in D.C. (Jan)

13. Visiting Loren’s favorite restaurant in Ann Arbour: Zingerman’s. We split an asparagus and goat cheese sandwich. And yes, it was every bit as good as Loren had hyped it up to be. (Apr)

14. The R Bar for my birthday. It might have been the best meal of my life. (Aug)

15. Alaska! (Aug)
a. Salmon, salmon, salmon, and crab bisque.
b. Kayaking next to Mendenhall Glacier. And it calved while we were on the lake. Amazing!
c. Hike to Echo Cove. It was nearly too beautiful for language.
d. Climbing Mount Roberts with Loren and Sean. Even if I was on the verge of a panic attack for the latter half of the hike. Somehow, I always manage to forget how much I hate heights. But the view made it absolutely worth it.

16. Getting to eat lunches at home sometimes.

17. Four-day workweeks. I’m so, so fortunate.

18. Handing out flower flats with Front Porch Alliance. And as a bonus, I got sent home with a leftover flat of zinnias. (June)

19. Dancing with glow sticks at Greg and Jool’s wedding; taco’s on the BLVD beforehand. (July)

20. Starting our photo-blog project with Kimmer, “gratitude,” before her return to Korea. (Aug)

21. Camping on my grandparents’ property at Roots n’ Blues n’ BBQ. And of course, the huge quantities of kettlecorn I ate. (Oct)

22. Rachel Maddow’s commentary on the closed-loop nature of the Republican media- and information machine. With a nod to the rumors of her being a lesbian vampire. (Nov)

23. Trying to figure out what to do with all of our crazy vegetables from our CSA. (Summer)

24. Sufjan Stevens playing “Seven Swans” as the opening of his show. (Oct)

25. Time with Stacey and Aaron and Zach in Dallas. (Nov)

26. Breakfast and m. henry’s in Chicago. Berry bread pudding, and crab cake eggs benedict. Another top ten meal. (Sept)

27. Wii bowling with Grandma on Christmas.

28. First Annual Brookside Porch Crawl. (June)

29. Keeping my first garden alive. (Summer)

30. Parkville Beer Fest. (Apr)

31. French macarons from Natasha’s Mulberry and Mott.

32. Painted nails: orange, neon pinks, charcoal gray- yep, I’m still loving it.

33. Walks to Crestwood.

34. Flowers from Flower’s by Design.

35. Homemade peanut butter cups.

36. My professor telling me that I should pursue publishing one of my papers. And just like that, I realized I had found my ‘something’ to be passionate about. (May)

37. A bike Ride to Shakespeare in the Park with a picnic. (July)

38. Dessert with Mom at Café Europa. (May)

39. Surprising my Dad at the airport. (Sept)

40. Christmas with the whole family for the first time in the better part of a decade.

41. Danielle marrying an all-around great guy, and throwing one spectacular party. (Oct)

42. How the dining room looks with the christmas lights and all the candles lit.

43. Roommate holiday. (Oct)

44. Toffee stout from McCoys. What’s not to love: coffee? Good. Toffee? Good. Stout? GOOD. (Nov)

45. Tennessee Gubernatorial candidate, Basil Marceaux. (Sept)

46. An oldie that I was only recently introduced to: Carl Lewis singing the National Anthem at a Bull’s Game in the early nineties. OH-OH!

47. David Hasselhoff’s MESS of a drunk cheeseburger incident. I will laugh every.single.time I think about it.

48. A spontaneous decision to see Conan O’Brien when he was in town. It was a good decision. (Oct)

49. Aaron Moss’ stories about his dad (and mom, too). The second hardest I laughed all year. (Dec)

50. The hardest I laughed all year: Jon Mark having to push Aaron's car out of the snow after we had made fun of him for walking. "Jon Maaaarrrk! Jon Mark help! Jon Mark, push us!" (Jan)

on: neglect.

2010-12-22T13:04:00.002-06:00

Oh, hey, blog.

Yeah, I know it's been a really long time. Four months? Really. Geesh. Sorry about that.

Here's a picture of a baby pandas to make it up to you.

on: 25.

2010-09-03T10:06:00.001-05:00

25.

It’s been crazy year. In December, I got mono and read Donald Miller’s “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” and started thinking about the story I was telling with my life. In January, I set out to do 24 things before I turned 25, some big and some small. I didn’t do all of them, but I did a lot of them. But reflecting back on this year, it’s been one of the best and most exciting of my life. And 23 was really dang good, too. Now, I’m looking ahead to my 26th year on this earth. Having recently been faced with turns I didn’t expect my story to take- nothing major, just little things that remind me I’m not in charge of my life- I am amazed at the grace of God: of His faithfulness to keep promises, to keep me, and to take me on adventures I never could have imagined, when I only let Him lead. So now, the last year of my life in a few lists:

24 things before 25
1. Read at least one book for pleasure per month. (check!)
2. Visit the Nelson-Atkins. (FAIL- I mean, come on! How easy would that have been??)
3. Paint/draw one piece per month. (Nope.)
4. Take more pictures. (check!)
5. Cook once a week/eat at home more. (check!)
6. Spend time with Jesus before I spend time with others. (Errr, sort of.)
7. Write more letters. Send more cards. (check!)
8. Decorate my office with things I love. (check!)
9. Clean and organize my home office space. (check!)
10. Repair/reupholster some of the furniture I fished out of people’s garbage. (Errr, no.)
11. Have someone over for dinner once a month. (check!)
12. Make one new friend per month. (Halfway. A few new friends! Deepened some other friendships. So, I’m going to call it a SUCCESS!)
13. Sew something on my sewing machine. (check! Cloth napkins. Bingo.)
14. Go to Chicago! Finally! (check! Well, I’m going this weekend, but I’m still counting it.)
15. Take more pictures of Loren and I. (Vomit, I know, but (check!)
16. Practice my Spanish. (Pfffff. This might be on my list every year for the rest of my life.)
17. Trace my family history. (Nope.)
18. One walk per week. (No, but I did take a lot more walks, so improvement!)
19. Ride my bike to class, often. (check!)
20. Make a collage of my pictures from Korea. (check!)
21. Go camping. (No. :( )
22. Grow things. (check! Herbs, tomatoes, green peas, peppers, onions, red potatoes, zinnias, tulips, daisies, peonies and kale. I’m on my way!)
23. Make more gifts. (No. But I did give more gifts, and I consider that a WIN.)
24. Go to the beach. Any beach. (check! Alaska. But it’s still the Ocean, people.)

So, here I have 24 things that I wanted to do in eight months. I did 14 of them full-on. I did another four in part. That’s 75 percent. I did 75 percent of the things that I thought would be dang cool to do in just eight months. That’s awesome. I’m going to write a new list for this year. I highly recommend it to anyone. In addition to this list, I made a conscious effort to take more adventures this year. I only get to be young once, after all, and it sure felt like I was letting the ‘old’ set in far too quickly: I had a 40 hour a week job and everything about my life sounded remarkably average. There’s nothing wrong with average. There’s real beauty in average, and I appreciate that beauty. But I’m not satisfied with average just yet. Travel is a great way to interrupt average. As Alain de Botton said, “The reason to travel: there are inner transitions we can’t properly cement without a change of locations.” So I traveled.

1. North Carolina (well, right before my birthday, but it still counts.)
2. Seoul, South Korea
3. Lots of St. Louis and Columbia, MO
4. Washington, D.C.
5. Detroit, MI
6. New York City
7. Alaska
8. Chicago

So this year, make a list with me, maybe? And let’s go some places definitely. Let’s interrupt average every now and then.

Wonderland

2010-07-07T16:38:00.003-05:00

! I have a slight, but mounting, obsession with "Alice in Wonderland" themed things. I would live in the new Tim Burton movie. No jokes. I would decorate my entire house like a topsy turvy english garden tea party with pretty china and extravangant wallpaper and rose bushes inside. I would cover entire hallways with giant paper flowers. I'm not even kidding. I'm not all that into couture, really, other than for the artistic appreciation of it. But the new Galliano for Dior collection is out.of.control. It's fantastic! I would wear that black and yellow dress as my wedding dress someday. Just dare me. (And then buy it for me.)

Images from rdujour via the Neo-Traditionalist.

Sweet Mr. Wind

2010-06-02T14:27:00.002-05:00

Found on by Kate of Wit & Delight on a Cup of Jo.

on: places to see before i die

2010-05-26T11:29:00.004-05:00

I don't know where this is, but I must find it, and live there.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/neve/3983182141/in/photostream/

and here, too.

Both pictures found here.

cool!

2010-05-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

via Toellner Tells All.

more freaking baby animals

2010-05-24T11:49:00.003-05:00

Some of you may remember last year's obsession with sea turtles. It's back on.

Also, this.

Via Unruly Things.

freaking baby animals

2010-05-21T11:51:00.001-05:00

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

Now, I know, okay? They're a little bit creepy. But damn, they cute, too.

via Serious Eats.

Music Thursday?

2010-05-20T11:33:00.001-05:00

via BrianWFerry.

figs

2010-05-07T14:43:00.001-05:00

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
-Sylvia Plath "The Bell Jar"

on: the power of love

2010-05-01T12:37:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting in Aixois- one of my favorite Kansas City spots. It's lunch time on a dreary Saturday. I've been posted up working on a take-home final (sort of) and the lunch crowd is slowly filtering in. Among them is an elderly couple. A husband and a wife; the woman is beyond frail. She looks as though I could pick her up and cradle her like a baby. She eats her lunch awkwardly, messily, and slowly, with much assistance from her husband. Each helping hand to wipe her mouth is a gesture of absolute tenderness and grace. It turns out it's her birthday. The waitress brings out a creme brulee for her with a candle in it. Her husband blows out the candle for her and lets her have it all to herself. When she finishes, she shakily folds up her messy napkin and he pats her hand.

I can't stop watching their interactions. The simplicity of tenderness, the commitment of compassion, years passed, love grown. Time expensed past worldly beauty and independence- when only a deep love remains. A love that is beyond the understanding of those of us that are still young and beautiful. Mysterious and passionate, transcendent of our immature definitions of those things. Sweet silence and acceptance. The power of steadfast love.

right now, i'm loving:

2010-04-14T16:35:00.005-05:00

Some things that have made me happy recently (other than the weather. But I assure you, it've been primarily the weather.)

1. This Aardvark Manifesto from Keep Calm Gallery.

2. These "Ideal Bookshelf" prints from Jane Mount. (The one below would be close to mine.)

3. Photography by Paul Barbera.

4. And all things in-the-garden, really.

(photo by lonnymag)

5. The new JCREW. Like duh. All the shots are garden-themed, too! EEk. I esp. love the navy gingham checked button down. But I'm gonna have to wait/hope for the sale on that one. (Btw, did you know that they offer a 15% discount on in-store purchases to teachers and students w/ valid IDs?! I think I may finally go get my UMKC ID after all...)

6. Aixois coffee bar.

(crappy cell-phone picture)

7. THIS nook. THESE blue walls. THOSE lights. Ohhh be still my heart.

(spotted by Mel @ You Are My Fave, Jr., I think)

8. Pandas. Always and ever. Especially in front of yellow backgrounds. And waving pandas.

(spotted by P at What Possessed Me)

9. Red bentwood chairs. Red furniture in general, I think. And that huge table is nice, too.

(via little green notebook)

10. New music!!!

New jonsi album online!

Snoop Dogg goes Green? That Tree!

And of course, via Black*Eiffel a little poppy number.

So, what's been making you happy this week, lovlies?

Lovlies

2010-03-24T14:29:00.002-05:00

Ohhhh holy moly. Swooooooooon. A flickr set for Farmer's Market polaroids. Jackpot.

Spotted by Mel @ You Are My Fave.

Hope.

2010-03-15T14:52:00.002-05:00

Not to get all mushy on you, but I can't help but notice recently that the people that have the greatest impact rarely set out to do so. They set out to be faithful, to seek justice, to love well. I want to be one of these people.

My friend, Jane Williams, is an inspiring woman. Check it:

http://www.kansascity.com/2010/03/12/1809312/womans-persistence-pries-open.html#ixzz0i4O20Hka

Via Suzanne Williams

Stop-Motion Monday: A "Novel" Idea!

2010-03-08T14:59:00.002-06:00

Tim Williams "Novel"

Where do I always get these? Black*Eiffel, always.

Additionally, I could not more strongly recommend you get yourself to a 3-D Movie Theatre and see Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" as quickly as you're able. (A tip: the first showing of the day is usually less than $5!)I can't get it out of my head. I wish Design*Sponge would do a write up on it in their "Living In" column. Sigh. Ohhh to go to Matinees on weekdays again...

Stop-Motion Monday is back!

2010-03-01T15:21:00.002-06:00

I'm sick. Again. Most frustrating! I did, however, put a small vase of daffodils on my desk, and this has improved things perceptibly.

Stumbled upon this lovely little. Enjoy!

Via Black*Eiffel, of course.

on: cabin fever

2010-02-25T16:09:00.003-06:00

I'm so freaking sick of winter.

And no sun, no windows, no warmth. Only fluorescent lights above. So, I had to immerse myself in daydreams of baby animals, fresh spring flowers, cool mist and dew, Easter eggs, warmer temps, and walks and walks and walks under sweet, sweet sun.

1. That's a BIG Noise from a Lil lamb..:O))), 2. nature bubble-keh, 3. BluebirdNB2 20090329L 047pe3, 4. bench monday - outdoorsy?, 5. Mornin', 6. Tulip Bucket - Farmers Market, 7. dots., 8. hello, my name is inigo montoya..., 9. ikid, 10. soft, 11. Les Parapluies de Brooklyn II, 12. Easter eggs, 13. Husky Puppies, 14. Dupont Farmers' Market, 15. Blue Hyacinth, 16. Frannie's Puppies, 17. Mr. Puggle, 18. Spring Blossoms, 19. Spring Thunderstorm, 20. Are You Looking At Me ???, 21. Madrugada, 22. spring light #4, 23. Look what I got for my birthday. What should we name her?, 24. 'PINK SPRING' - 'IN CENTRAL PARK NEW YORK' - Best viewed large !, 25. Micheldever wood

Typical: Stress Relief

2010-02-24T14:48:00.005-06:00

Well, I'm back to the blog world, babies. It's been a long time. I had to come back to bring you this special report:

My co-worker has this liquid- and glitter-filled squishy stress-ball that she plays with.

Like one of these, only with little toys inside.

We're sitting in our office and we hear this loud "POP" and see glitter and water and small toys blow up all over her face. Glitter on the walls, in her hair, all over her sweater.

It was awesome.

A lot like this, actually.

You may now resume your activities.

on: Engrish.

2009-10-23T19:52:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a full month and half since I've updated. Whoops. Sorry bloggies.

I'm in Seoul, South Korea. It's 10am. But to you, it's 8pm the night before. Weird, right?

I'm with the Stewarts, and it's wonderful.

My luggage finally arrived at 3:30am last night. What's funny to me is that NOTHING opens before 10am, but it's no-big-deal to make deliveries in the middle of the night.

The signs, people, the signs are awesome.

More updates to come. Well, maybe. I'll think about.

Typical: How to Speak

2009-09-11T12:38:00.001-05:00

Co-worker #1: "What are you doing to wooarking? Worning. WORKING today?!"
Co-worker #2: "You want me to put out road-flares until you finish construction on that sentence?"

Paaahahahahahaaaaaaa.

Autumn is upon us, Ms. George Eliot.

2009-09-10T13:44:00.003-05:00

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." ~George Eliot

Summer is waning fast, and it feels like it was hardly here at all. Normally, I hold fast to the swimming pools and barbeques, sundresses and flip-flops, ice cream and late-nights on patios. But this year, I'm ready for the change. My heart can feel the coming turning of the seasons, and it knows it will change more than the weather.

I'm excited for...

1. New adventures. In church and community, new relationships and neighborhood, and foreign countries (South Korea!).
2. Flannel.
3. Honeycrisps. The Ferrari of apples. With gouda or caramel... but not all together.

4. Pumpkins. Hell-yeah-I-love-pumpkins. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkins on my porch, pumpkin in my lattes, pumpkinpumpkinpumpkin.

Some things I have already been enjoying...

1. All things Arrested Development. I think I've said the Buster-line "It walked on my pillow!" at least ten times in the past week. And this classic little picture (via Unruly Things, I think?) is just awesome.

2. New pictures from the Hubble's fancy new camera. Ohhhh how small I am...

3. 1000 Words. A blog project by KC locals Hannah and David Huffman.

4. And Regina does it again.

Typical: The Air-Freshner Episode.

2009-08-20T16:15:00.003-05:00

First, it's just absurdly GORGEOUS outside, and I'm sitting here, with no windows, suffocating in fragrance.

Second, some background: a few months ago, a couple of my co-workers were sitting in an office chatting when a toxic-strength floral scent began to pour from the vents (think movie-poisonous-gases-style). They cough and cover their faces and co-worker #1 says to co-worker #2, "Are we going to die?"*

Fast-forward to today, whilst sitting at my desk, suddenly my head begins to ache and my throat begins to burn as I'm assaulted with a just HIDEOUS scent. Think, something like a cross between a Glade-plug-in and any scent from a Crabtree and Evelyn store (adored by Grandmothers and Victorian-era enthusiasts the world over). I remark on the rudeness of the smell and both of my office-mates agree that it is offensive and deadly. Not 30 seconds later, a coworker in another room yells out, "WHAT IS THAT WONDERFUL SMELL?"

Classic. Couldn't have been better if it were scripted.

*It should also be noted that this is the origin of this phrase that I now use frequently.

Nooowwww, to get my mind off of this death-cloud of fragrance, some other things:

1) I'm moving out of my dear Garfield house this weekend. And I'm sad. I keep meaning to write about it, but it clearly hasn't happened yet.

2) Project Runway premieres tonight! Boom! No promises on the PR-posts this time around, though. I mean, I'll have class and crap.

3) And a couple of pick-me-ups. Because I'm drowning in fragrance!!!! First, baby sea turtles!!!! When I was in NC last week, we visited the Topsail Turtle Hospital and I got to see real, live sea turtles. Naturally, I've had baby sea turtles on the brain since.

4) And finally, a little Kanye for your day. Yes, I know it's Thursday. But I just LOOOVEEEE this song. And you should too. :)

on: Emerald Isle, NC

2009-08-07T10:45:00.005-05:00

In approximately 24hrs. I will be here:

With this lady. BFFAEAEAEAEAE...

I will read this...

And go adventuring looking for this...

and this (pink! and shells!)...

If only I had one of these to capture it with...

But mostly, I just wish for one of these...

A bicycle, a bicycle... my kingdom for a bicycle!

See you all in a week!

Love, Rachel

P.S.- Do you think it was a bad idea for me to load up on shark-week television before I went to the beach? (y/n)

on: a post that isn't 'Music Monday'

2009-07-22T09:45:00.005-05:00

Jarrod reminded me this morning of a culinary fiasco that we witnessed in DC back in January. A woman at the Smithsonian cafe was eating a slice of pizza with a whole bratwurst on top, covered in parm and ranch. Woof. We got on this topic because of a sign I saw in a window of a Long John Silver's (I KNOW) that said "Caution: hot dogs at this establishment contain milk." WHAT?! That's filthy. So sick. Why? How? Dairy in what form?

I want to wear a pair of these around, but I'm not sure it would fly:

(via The Sartorialist)

But I guess I will just have to settle for this style, as it's more attainable and office-approp.:

(via coco+kelley)

And finally, just for good measure... because GOODLOVEAREYOUSERIOUS?! This is incredible.

(via Uncharted Odyssey)

Music Monday: Leona Naess

2009-07-20T22:38:00.002-05:00

You may remember her from her song "Charm Attack" from 1999. Well, she came out with a new album last year, and I found her when she opened for Ray Lamontagne in October. And I confess that her album, "Thirteens", has been one of the select few that has managed to stay on the rotation all year. Here is a live performance from a show in New York, but she does have a couple of videos on YouTube.

Music Monday (on schedule again!)

2009-07-13T23:53:00.003-05:00

Magical. Probably because they have accents.

It's actually a part of a musical story. Like, how awesome is that?! The "God Help the Girl" website.

Also, please get yo'self to the Tivoli and see Food, Inc. ASAP and know where your food comes from. And what it REALLY costs. Seriously.

Happy Monday. Kbyeeee.

Olympic Mania

2009-07-08T17:00:00.004-05:00

Check out the SWEET posters for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. HECK YES. Bringing some great grapic-design to the festivities.

Check out the 2010 Olympic-site here.

Music Monday (on schedule for once)

2009-07-06T22:37:00.002-05:00

The quality on this is really poor, but it was the only video on YouTube. And this song is GORGEOUS. But they aren't on itunes! Why?! Check out their myspace page, here.

(The Return of) Stop-Motion Music Monday

2009-06-29T11:51:00.002-05:00

A lovely little song for your Monday.

Via Black*Eiffel

Free Fonts

2009-06-25T10:50:00.004-05:00

I'm sure that this is the oldest of news to all of my designer/artist friends, but I just discovered this, and it's like the greatest thing ever, so indulge me!

FREE FONTS! It's a treasure chest of fun fonts. Ooo-la-la! Check itz.

Music Monday, just a little late

2009-06-23T23:24:00.004-05:00

Ohhhh Whoops! Music Monday was yesterday, and I just keep missing it! I've even got some sweet songs that I've been saving up for it. So here's one (and get excited, maybe I'll remember to post the others in the following weeks...), it's an un-official music video done for a Death Cab for Cutie song, "Little Bribes" off of their recently-released EP. The EP "The Open Door", btw, is goooooooood. Get it.

Death Cab for Cutie - Little Bribes from Ross Ching on Vimeo.

on: girl's nights and sabbaths.

2009-06-15T15:27:00.005-05:00

Mondays are my Sabbath-days, and I'm taking full advantage this morning. I made use of the raging thunderstorm this morning by not getting out of bed until after nine. And I think I'm going to make some homemade minty limeade with the huge bowl of lovely limes left byMaureen and her friends before they go all gooey. Yummmm! Limeade and mint are two of my absolute favorite-st things about summer; so the obvious thing to do is combine them!

This past Friday night was one of the best evenings I've had all year. A bunch of girlfriends and I, who all happen to love taking pictures, and have a fondness of Patty Griffin, went out to the nearest prairie reserve for a "Burgundy Shoes Photo Shoot." All pretty dresses, and cameras, and accessories, and boots, and wildflowers. It was cloudy and overcast all day, but the skies broke into the most beautiful sun, Sun, SUN! for our excursion by early evening that it was nearly impossible to take a bad picture. Here are some of my favorites, and you can see all of the hundreds of pictures taken between us here.

Love: Impossibility

2009-06-12T15:33:00.003-05:00

Found via Uncharted Odyssey.

Typical: G.I. Joe

2009-06-10T12:18:00.001-05:00

At the office, Co-Worker is just ecstatic about the upcoming release of the new G.I. Joe movie. About G.I. Joes in his childhood he says,

"...I thought I had a rubber-band connecting my torso to my legs until I was 10."

Oh, good grief.

Music Monday

2009-06-01T10:55:00.003-05:00

So, Stop-Motion Monday really was more of a "Music Monday." Plus, it's infinitely easier to find good music videos that good stop-motion music videos. Ari Hest's cover of "Hallelujah" is just enough his own while still holding the original close. I mean, who doesn't like this song!? No one, that's who. In 2008, he also undertook Project 52, in which he wrote a new original song every week for a year. That's bold, isn't it?

So here, my babies, is a little new (old) music for your Monday:

Found via Black*Eiffel.

Just a Little Inspiration

2009-05-22T11:41:00.001-05:00

Here's a few things I've appreciated this week:

I just love her style and haircut. Seriously had a twelve-second idea to cut all my hair off a la Audrey Tatou in Amelie. I'll hold off for awhile, though.

Via The Sartorialist.

This is just completely lovely. Inspired by Le Balloon Rouge (1956).

Be forewarned: if there's occassion, you may receive a large mass of balloons from me in the future.

Something I should have used:

Icepacks and aloe. And time to bust out the big hat again. But I LOVE SUMMER!

Oh, and the new Harry Potter is releasing in mid-July. Who's coming with me?

Happy Memorial Day, babies.

Character Roadtrip

2009-05-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

I got wind of this project- Character Roadtrip- by the cable network, USA, a few months ago. It's definitely worth checking out. Basically, USA commissioned eleven famous photographers to go out and take pictures of different categories of "characters." The rundown:

Dawoud Bey, "Young Chicagoans"
Anna Mia Davidson, "Sustainable Farmers of Washington State"
Jeff Dunas, "American Summer"
David Eustace, "Highway 50"
Joe Fornabaio, "New York City barber shops and salons"
Mary Ellen Mark, "New York Festivals"
Eric McNatt, "Texas Homecoming"
Eric Ogden, "Michigan Musicians"
Sylvia Plachy, "The Spirit of the South"
Richard Renaldi,"The 49th State [Alaska. What-what!]"
Marla Rutherford, "Moment of Fame"

In the current recessive, tense, and cloudy state of society, Character Project exhibits a lovely and heartening depiction of America through its proper lense: unique, beautiful, imperfect, hard-working, big-dreaming individuals.

on: how I spend my desk downtime

2009-05-13T16:21:00.000-05:00

First, everyone please, simply "Ooooo" and "Aaahhh" and generally adore my new spring/summer header. Because, good grief, that little b took me about two hours to do. BUT, as pathetic as that is, it was substantially more productive than how I spent my afternoon at my desk yesterday. I wouldn't lie about these things; I really have no reason to.

Here's something very clever and slightly funny:

Isn't that just great? I know, right? Found here.

Have a lovely Wednesday evening, loves. I'm going to cook and drink red wine tonight. La Dolce Vita!

babies!

2009-05-07T13:00:00.000-05:00

Well, great fancy bananas! It's been almost a full month since I've updated. I suppose a lot of unimportant things have happened. To sum up: I just wrapped my first semester of grad school, I have no car, and my bangs are taking over my entire face. Excellence.

Now that school is done and I have a whole glorious month to do whatever I want (that doesn't require a car), I will share some portraits of babies taken by the photographer Theirry Bouet in their first few minutes of life. Because they're babies, babies. And babies are cute. AND I also just love saying "babies" (but most of you already know that). Now without further ado:

Thanks to A Cup of Jo for sharing. ;)

Peeps are not Vegan

2009-04-09T10:35:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I asked if the colorful and squishy confection, Peeps, were Vegan. (Rachel informed that they were not.) My interest was not because they are delicious, because they really aren't, but because they are cute. And I guess I like to eat cute things? No, that's wrong... I like to eat colorful things. (That's better!) Well, after seeing this, I retract all previously mentioned affection for Peeps. Because, obviously, I don't want to be a creep.

Notice also, her ridiculous collection of 900, yes 900, plush soccer balls. From the footage, I'd guess that there are about 890 of the exact same soccer ball, and ten unique ones. And that's just funny.

Also, today is my Friday, because tomorrow is Good Friday, and that means the office is closed. I LOVE working for Catholics!

Some things

2009-03-30T20:11:00.000-05:00

Monday morning, Monday evening.

Daffodils are one of my favorite flowers. In the house where I grew up, there were these huge hedges lining the sidewalk, and underneath them hundreds of daffodils would bloom. At least it seemed like hundreds to my little-kid memory. I guess I've always been fascinated by them. I remember picking them: the frustration I would feel when I would grab them too close to the tops, and realize as soon as it was plucked that I had ruined it; and the satisfaction of that "pop" sound they'd make when I grabbed them near the bottom; and that sticky slime that oozed out of them that I thought was so gross. It's one of those few childhood sensory-things that are seared in my memory: like the smell of the house when it rained, the sound of the attic fan, the feel of the olive-green velvet sofa, and peeling the layers of paint from my bedroom walls. Good things to remember.

The city condemned and leveled this house in a week flat. It's right across the street from us, or was. It was called "The Chateau" (seriously). It's just a pile of bricks now. It's really pretty sad.

And to end on a funny note, the funniest thing that happened today-- Several very funny things happened today, most of them surrounded the tracing, cutting-out and painting of little cardboard kids in hurricane-force wind gusts. It probably looked a lot like playing Twister with a paint-can from the street. BUT EVEN FUNNIER: Chris and I are hanging out, talking about bagpipes, like ya' do, and she's trying to explain how a certain movie-theme could be played on the bagpipes, and to drive home the point she both HUMMED (think Phoebe, Friends fans) and AIR-PLAYED the bagpipes. And as I crumple with fits of laughter, she just says "Well, it's not everyday that you air-bagpipe."

check itz

2009-03-11T16:04:00.000-05:00

It's hard to say exactly why, but I find this video captivating. I've watched it about ten times now. See! Jellyfishes.

: on customer service

2009-03-10T13:47:00.000-05:00

So I recently got a new Sprint phone (and plan) thanks to a very generous gentleman from my church.

I have been with Sprint for six years now, and had every intention of giving them da' boot last month when my contract expired. But seeing how events transpired, I decided to stick with them for awhile longer. This is fine and all, but let me share with you how this customer-service scenario played out today.

Background: You know that little "envelope" icon that shows up at the top of your screen when you have a message, well mine has been up there all the time, even though I don't have any messages. This is not a HUGE deal in the scheme of things, compared with say, you know world poverty, etc. So yes, definitely a developed-world problem. But it really irritates me, okay? I don't have any new messages! I have checked my voicemail, my text messages, my SMS messages, my picture mail, and even my internet from my phone. THERE ARE NO MESSAGES. I have "cleared the envelope," "powered-off, then powered-on my phone," I have "removed the battery and rebooted." And still, that little envelope sits at the top of my screen, taunting me.
Jarrod also sits in front of me, taunting me, with such irrelevant advice about checking my messages that it makes me want to hit him in the face. I might actually, if he didn't currently have a vicious tooth-ache that more-or-less does the job for me. Convenient? Maybe.

So I call up Sprint customer service (it only takes four times to get through) and talk to this woman for awhile only to get (HERE IT COMES), "Well. I don't know how to fix that."

WHAT?! WRONG. FIX IT.

This would be where I think to myself that favorite word: unacceptable.

So ten minutes later, the advice that I hang up with is "You know, I just usually ignore that little envelope on my phone anyway."

Stoopid. If I wanted to ignore it, maybe I wouldn't have called.

This rant brought to you by, coincidentally, my Samsung "Rant." Ha!

Unrelated: Are Peeps vegan? They just look so colorful and delicious.

(Not-So) Typical

2009-03-04T13:57:00.001-06:00

Me: "_social service organization__, This is Rachel."

Caller: "Yes! I ordered a wig OVER a MONTH ago and it's still NOT HERE. (here is where I start biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood so as not to burst into laughter into the receiver) Now, I placed the order with a gentleman that said that it would be here, and that you were in Motown or Uptown, or wherever-y'all are. Now with the wig, he put in under two names, I think, either T-E-R-R-Y or J-E-R-R-E-L, but I need to..."

Me: "Er. Ma'am. I think you have the wrong number. This is _social service organization___. And as far as I'm aware, we've never sold wigs."

Commence fits of laughter in the office.

Stop-Motion Monday

2009-03-02T16:47:00.000-06:00

I love Mondays.

I painted for hours today.

: on half-birthdays

2009-02-25T16:19:00.000-06:00

Today is my half-birthday. Today I am 23 and one-half.

Do y'all remember half-birthday-parties? They were an invention of elementary-school teachers for all of us poor suckers who had summer birthdays. And how grateful we were. Do you know how upset this little girl would have been if I hadn't had my birthday marked each year? The trauma may have made me a different person. So then, it's good that those teachers were such sharp-thinkers.

It's February 25, and the temperature is currently 73 degrees. And thank goodness. I hate the cold. I really really hate the cold. Especially that awful whistle of Arctic wind that comes through my bedroom window to blast on my face. Like one of those high-pressured compressed-air keyboard cleaners. On my face. So yeah, that's awesome. Even better? WARMTH!

Lucinda, our house cat, peed right in front of me this morning, while I was making toast. About the rudest thing that's ever happened to me. Only ruder was that couple on the airplane from Seattle to Denver (Seriously. How do they sleep at night?) I think I was about as upset with her as I would have been about not getting my birthday recognized in elementary school.

Oh, and I bet you're all wondering about how the murderous cuisine turned out last night. Well: to my IMMENSE relief, they were already cooked when I bought them. That, though, didn't save me from the horror of having to dismember them. Like I said, I've had crawfish before. But in the South. I think there must be something to that when-in-Rome philosophy. (I mean, I was persuaded to eat something that resembled pink mayonnaise in a foreign country once. And that's about as bad as it gets, right?) So, the last time I had crawfish it was sitting at a newspaper-covered picnic table surrounded by locals, shell and guts everywhere; there was something just right about that whole scene. It wasn't hard to snap critters in half and suck their brains out. So then, it was another thing entirely to be standing in my kitchen in the Midwest, still in my office-attire, manhandling crustaceans; something very different indeed. The whole ordeal was pretty bad. I won't go into too many of the gruesome details, but I will tell you that at one point I started screaming "Oh no! Oh NO! That's brains! Yellow-brains! Brain-smears! On my hand!" And I was so on-edge about the whole thing that when Dane knocked I thought the bits had reassembled and come back to life to have their vengeance. It was bad, babies, pretty bad.

The food, however, turned out AWESOME. Crawfish and Shrimp Etouffee? SUCCESS! Crabcakes? DUH! I think I may just go to Jazz in the future, but I think I met the challenge head-on.

The finished product:

: on cooking crawfish

2009-02-24T11:39:00.001-06:00

Well, Happy Mardi Gras everyone.

Mardi Gras means all kinds of things: bright colors, extravagant parades, wanton debauchery, and OF COURSE, delicious food.

In honor of my friend Dane's departure to Nashville, TN, I'm making a Creole-feast for dinner tonight. And what Creole-feast would be complete without, you guessed it: crawfish?.

Now, I've had crawfish several times. Mostly the tails, and it always arrives cooked. On my plate, and usually simmering in buttery goodness. And being the adventerous cook that I am, I didn't really worry too much about the prospect of cooking them myself. So I called up Whole Foods, ordered a couple of pounds, and proceeded to search for recipes on the internet. Much to my horror, the directions kept saying things like "they must be alive when you boil them" and "discard the dead ones." Oh, Lord, forgive me. For I am about to murder.

I'll let you know how it goes.

: on six-hour classes.

2009-02-19T15:08:00.001-06:00

Seriously? Seriously. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Seriously!

Like, come on, people. I think the grad-school planners must have figured a way to manage the monotony of teaching the same material year after year: mean-spirited nastiness. Because frankly, I can't think of any other way to describe a six-hour long class. Painful? Mind-numbing? Abysmal? Any of those would work too, I suppose. The fact that the material is actually interesting is negated on an inverse correlation to time-spent in the same seat.

But anyway. So here I am: numb-butted from sitting in the same chair for four-and-half-hours, when it's announced that we will be doing group-work. Ah, what joy is mine. This means listening to people who like to listen to themselves give irrelevant judgements on strategic board management; specifically, board-education planning. The next 30 minutes was spent counting backwards from ten in my head over and over again to calm my irritation as I listened to my groupmates try to yell over each other about anything and everything that they thought would best showcase themselves whilst mostly ignoring the scope of the assignment. For reals: I find your resume wholly useless to this task. I'm sure you are incredibly experienced in your various areas, and do your jobs very well, and stuff and things. But pleaseeeeeeeeee. So what happens? I every-so-gently try to steer back to the assignment, and get lectured like a kindergartner. So I work out the presentation by my lonesome while they take turns interrupting one another, which I read off to them three minutes before deadline and then they SERIOUSLY all say, "Wow! You nailed that. You need to be on a board, NOW." This statement was followed by a soft 'POP'- the sound of my head exploding.

Ahhh, grad school. I love you, but I don't have to like you right now.

Other things that are just AWFUL:

1) Having to google-search terms that my professor drops like acceptable English, during lecture, while taking notes.

2) 50-page reading assignments emailed the day before class.

bologna sandwich.

2009-02-03T13:20:00.000-06:00

I don't like bologna anyway. It's like the hot-dog of lunchmeats.

Here's how lunch played out today:

Co-worker #1 brings a bologna sandwich in a wonderbread container.

Co-worker #2 and I have already finished our burgers.

3 minutes later we are greeted with a rancid wave of smell like onions and cheetos marinated in mayonaisse.

Co-worker #3 walks in and says "What IS that?"

10 minutes later: The fan is on. I've covered my face with a scarf. I've gagged.

Co-worker #2 to Co-worker #1 "Your stale lunchmeat smells like a trail of tears [another term for crop-dusting, apparently]. And it's just not giving up."

Monkey See, Ursine Do.

2009-01-30T15:15:00.000-06:00

So while working on those very important things that I sometimes work on while at work today I came upon this artist-photographer Jill Greenberg. She takes expressive pictures of Monkies, People, Bears, and Celebrities (a seperate category from normal people, obviously). Here are two of my favorites!

Her collection can be found here.

Recipe for a Cranky Rachel

2009-01-27T13:35:00.000-06:00

1. When she goes to bed early, make her bedroom a brisk 45 degrees.
2. Force her body to refuse to listen to reason, and therefore, her toes remain frozen all night.
3. Rattle her window all night, in alternating frequencies and decibles, so to be certain to wake her up every time.
4. Call the police, and have them circle the neighborhood in a heliocopter periodically. Flashing lights are in no way discouraged.
5. Take the neighbor dogs for a walk. The little, yippy ones. Annoy them so they yip. A lot.
6. Add Trash-Day (optional).
7. Add snow (recommended), she hates scraping her car.

Combine all ingredients before 8a.m. and shake vigorously. Better yet, shake her vigorously. Then stand back and watch the clouds gather overhead.

things you DON'T expect to hear at the office

2009-01-21T09:48:00.000-06:00

"No, that's a toe-ring."

From the mouth of the associate director.

another day at the office

2009-01-20T13:33:00.000-06:00

Jarrod tried to change his junkmail folder to read "junk in the trunk" but it wouldn't let him. He expressed this with much disappointment and mumbled something about changing outlook to reflect a more urban feel.

Three minutes later he yelled, "I want some more root beer!"

Typical (B-lego-juh-vich)

2008-12-30T14:51:00.000-06:00

This is what Jarrod and I worked on this afternoon.

Photos from: here and here.

The birth of a mountain

2008-12-29T23:45:00.000-06:00

"[And from] everlasting stillness, except for the wind that turns the rocks and caverns into a roaring organ for the young archangels that are studying how to let out the pent-up praises of their hearts..."

George MacDonald

So that's what it was like...!

journeying

2008-12-08T16:45:00.000-06:00

Thanks to the inspiration of Sean Berger and Bethany Boatwright, I revisited my old Xanga to re-read some posts. I’m glad I xanga’d. It’s like a chronology of my college life, minus a lot of details that I can only remember. According to Xanga, June 13, 2005 is the first time my heart warmed to Kansas City. It was a year later before I really came to love it. And a full year after that that I would come to feel drawn here. And nearly a year later before I would live here. I suppose this isn’t all that significant. Most people move when they graduate from college. But this move was such a journey, and being here has been such a journey. One that obviously started three years ago, and will end only God-knows where. But I’m so grateful: grateful to be here, to be loved here, to find community here, to (begin to) heal here.

I can smell the Alaskan air. I wish I could describe it to you accurately. There’s beauty on the air there.

Typical.

2008-12-03T13:50:00.000-06:00

With the election over, there's substanially less to talk about at the office.

Me: You know what I think we need? One of those mini-bake ovens. Then I could have cake whenever I wanted.
Co-worker: Noooooo. What we need is an open bar.
Me: Because we don't have enough fun at work already?
Co-worker: Because it's fun anytime, even when you're alone.
Me: Hmmm... I don't know about that. I generally try not to drink alone.
Co-worker: Well I try not to have a drink alone, either. That is, one drink by itself. So, I operate on the buddy-system.

Something instead.

2008-10-20T21:50:00.000-05:00

Maybe to see things more beautifully, you have to feel pain more acutely. I see these things and notice these details with intricacy and vibrancy, but assuredly, I'll carry your burden so close to my heart for so long that my scars might mirror yours in time.

I'm so grateful for so many things, but not nearly as many as I should be.

tragic.

2008-10-10T13:55:00.003-05:00

Kenley made it to Fashion week over Jerrell.

The sky is falling.

Missed Deadline.

2008-10-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

The Challenge: Design an evening gown inspired by a photo taken at the New York Botanical Gardens. Awwwwww yeah.... The L'Oreal Paris Challenge!

Thoughts:
-Jerrell is goin' a bit "Castaway" there alone in the apartment.
-Kenley thinks that Leanne sabotaged her. Obviously, it couldn't have been that her outfit was god-awful-hideous.
-I love all the Hedda Lettuce references.
-Kenley usually uses bright, pretty florals, but instead of going with it and rockin'...no she has to be Kenley and use fugly fuscia faux python?
-Producers show left bag at mood....dun, dun, dunnnnnn.
-Tim Gunn is sooooo classy! Kenley does not deserve such considerations! And yet another reason to complete adore him!
I- officially recant Jerrell's nickname. Sorry, dude, but your early stuff was ugly. But I like you now.
-Commence break-downs. Everyone.
-Kenley is cray-cray. She get's complimented everytime TG critiques her.

Quotations:
Korto- chipmunk noises.
Jerrell- "I have tulle I'm not going to use, but she's a one-trick pony and I refuse to help her." dannnng. vindictive.
Jerrell "It's like she's Kenley the Dragon-slayer!"
Kenley "My whole life I've had to deal with being left-out..." She's left out because she tries to eat everyone whole like goldfish. Ay yai. What a mess of a thing.
Jerrell- "Work it out, BooBoo."

(Botanical) DESIGNS:

Jerrell- The play of colors IS phenom. But it does look unfinished and sloppy in the detailing, like the hem. But MMMMM! The colors. Yummy.

Kenley- If "The Little Mermaid" was made into a Broadway musical, this would be Ariel's main stage-outfit. This is just alarming, though, really. If it were a shorter sillouette it would work as a cocktail dress (maybe.) but there just isn't a category that it can work in as-is. This would definitely make the "What-what-she-thinking" section. And Kenley is a whiny crybaby. A mean one. A mean, mean baby.

Korto- The cut is modern, the color doesn't work for it, though. But you DO have to respect Korto's fearlessness with color. I can see the judges "pagent" point, sadly. But it was better than Kenley's! I can't believe Kenley keeps getting chances!

Leannimal- As much as I love, love, loved! Jerrell's color palette, this should have be the winner. This was whimsical and soft and stunning going down the runway. In the words of Rachel Zoe "This dress was just begging to be put on the Red Carpet." You can completely see the inspiration of lavender. The whole look makes me think of a soft breeze on a summer evening....sighhhh.

They have to all give boring, slightly heart-tugging speeches to prove that they want it. Kenley whines some more, snore, snore, snore...

In the end, Jarrell wins (despite the atrocious! finishing.) but isn't safe. They all get to do the 12-look lines to compete for spots at Bryant Park. GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! So over it! Why didn't they just give Kenley the axe, say they were sorry, and call it a day?

Over it. Craps.

Two more weeks, babies, one more post. And then back to those other things.

Shoot for Two [blog posts in one day...]

2008-10-05T15:41:00.000-05:00

Well. It would appear that I am now two weeks behind on my "Runway" blogs. I just haven't had the motivation to write them the past two weeks. Soooo I'm going to skip Kenley's awful-should-have-gone-home week, because I'm just too upset about the whole thing, really; and just hop straight to last week. Yeah? Good. But after this legit post. A friend of mine said that they were ready for Runway to be over so I'd get back to the other stuff, so to honor that request, I'll put in a break.

I went home this weekend. Columbia is like a third parent to me, in so many ways. So much of growing up is completely inseperable from the place of Columbia, so in that way, Columbia has its own personality- it's personified in weather, in coffee shops, in city blocks, in certain smells, in sounds and music festivals, in people that you only ever see in one location.

The second annual "Roots, Blues, and BBQ" festival was in full swing when I got there on Friday, as if Downtown Columbia needed any more activity than it's usual bustle to make me completely happy. Such an event (with blues and bbq to boot, too!) was just a monumental bonus. I think soon, Columbia will be referred to as "Little Portland," and be an absolute personification of all the cliche things of one of my favorite blogs Stuff White People Like . Gotta love it. The place is filled with Farmer's Markets, and local coffee shops, and organic restaurants, and pedestrians, and art-good and bad, and my new favorite: Sharrows ("Share the road w/ bicyclers" arrows). There are college students, yuppies, homeless people, intellectuals, artists, political activists, and hippies; and often, one person will occupy more than one of these categories. My friend Aaron had the best quote of the weekend when he said (talking about hippies and homeless people hanging out:)

"...I mean why not? They have so much in common! All the homeless people used to be hippies, and all the hippies want to be homeless."

That's just perfect, right? It's even better when I tell you that we got on the subject after seeing six people ride down the block on bicycles in capes...we came to find that they had psuedonyms like "Gypsy Weaver" and "Infinity Man." I mean, I could make this crap up, but I just never have to.

This festival is exactly the kind of thing that simply must be experienced first-hand. I always find it so hard to believe that writers can write about life from inside a closet, away from the experience of it. All this has to be seen, smelled, heard, felt. I have to see the tens of thousands of people smashed against one another fighting for space, trying to see, trying to dance-even though I hate it and it makes me feel panicky and claustrophobic. I have to smell the bbq smoke; feel the burn in my eyes and my throat from the carbon monoxide, cayenne pepper, and vinegar on the air. I have to smell the alcohol, the pavement, the people, the October air. I have to hear the music, the shouts of people, the sizzle of grills. I have to feel the unusual warmth of the early-October-evening-sun. I have to feel the bass thump-thump in my feet and my heart and my veins until eventually my blood pumps to the same rhythm of this musical emotion heard for blocks. This music, this music, this music. These beautiful blues. Awwwwww yeahhhhhhh, this good rhythm. This kind of music tells stories: it tells it with poetry, guitar riffs, and sweat; listen to my pain, make love to me, break my heart, take my guitar, let's do some sinnin', and save me Jesus. Play till you bleed, sing till you suffocate, drink till you die. So long as the music lives on.

Well, I think I just wrote a song.

PR 5 x 10, and some other things.

2008-09-22T10:35:00.000-05:00

Well, today is the first day of fall. This will be the third time I've said this today on-Internet, but I really want a dang Pumpkin Spice Latte, y'all. I mean, come on! H yes.

The Challenge: Design a look for a recent college grad just entering the work force. It's got to be hip, professional, true-to-the-designer, and appealing to the mother's. Easy-peasy, right? WHAT?!

Thoughts:
-I’m still pretty thrilled that Terri is gone, sorry, I know she was a fan-favorite. She was a bossy cow.
-Kenley doesn’t understand what she was in the bottom last time…so her strategy is to not really worry what the judges think…hmmm….good plan, Kenley-who-doesn’t-look-at-other-lines.
-I think Heidi is wearing a Rami on the challenge-runway.
-The designers all look fearful at the appearance of the black velvet bag.
-Kenley has found a mini-me!
-Jerrell’s flirty-awkward vision is precious.
-Holly’s mother is out-of-control. The first thing out of her mouth, it’s obvious.
-What is Joe thinking!? Graphic designer, go nuts, yo! Joe’s girl doesn’t like the pin-stripe. So do something different with it! Make a dress!
-Leanne’s mother-daughter duo whining whining whining. (Hedda Lettuce?)
-Suede’s Jacket is six shades of hideous. Wait, so it the dress-top. How did he get here!? HOW?!
-Pocket-squares? Pocket-squares? What the H? Have I ever worn a pocket-square?
-You know, I wouldn’t mind Kenley’s incessant laughing at people if she wasn’t such a KenleyPretentiousFool- Meany-head about it!
-Kenley is hard at work assuring the transformation of her mini-me.
-Why does Kenley hate Tim Gunn? Why? WHY?! WHY?!
-Joe thinks he nailed the look. Clearly he’s going home.

Quotes:
Korto-“I don’t want to have to step on nobody cause they were talkin’ bout my mamma.”
Leanne- “…She looks like she’s twelve.” Hmmmmm….Leanne, this is the pot calling the kettle black.
Kenley- “I really like Anna, she’s sweet. She reminds me of me.” Kenley, don’t be a tool.
Korto- “Since Stella’s gone, I’m the queen of Luttha now!”
Kenley- “I’m gonna make the prettiest dress in the world!” Vom.
Suede- “Omigod. Suede found a pucci-esq print in purple!” It’s godawfulhideous! And most likely polyester. Poor choice.
Jerell- “My first job was working for McDonalds. I got all kinds of Big n’ Tasty’s, and I got bad skin from standing over a fryer!” I like Jerrell this episode. I will refrain from using his nickname as a result. Kenley will get one though, KenleyPretentiousFool.
Kenley- “…Not going to listen to that! I never really change anything for Tim Gunn.” WHAT?! She’s so off the face of this PR earth!
Suede- “Miniature Kenley!” BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Leanne- Cute, not best shape forHolly. Leanne’s original was so much better.

Korto- It works. I’m not crazy about it. It’s sharp though. Young? I don’t know about that…

Kenley aka Pretenstiousfool- Minikenley, minikenley, minikenley. Even her hair! Bah!

Joe. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! At least Blane knew how to make a Hot Mess.

Jerrell- FAB. I would totally wear that. For once.

Suede- O CRAP. That’s soooo bad! Soooo bad! Those awful midevil sleeves! Nina has a lot of problems with it. And how couldn’t she?

Korto-In.
Winner: Jerrell! Okay! He can have it! It was the best.
Kenley-In.
Leanne-In.
Suede or Joe? Suede or Joe? Suede or Joe?
Joe is out.
Yes it was bad bad bad.
But Suede’s never done anything good!
GAH!
Whatever.

So close to Bryant Park. If Suede goes, I'll sue.

Auf'd and At-Em'.

2008-09-11T22:15:00.000-05:00

The Challenge: To design an avant-garde garment inspired by an astrological symbol. AND you get to work with an earlier-eliminated designer! BONUS (unless you're a bossycow like Terri).

Thoughts:

-Terri hates everything. Shocker. Yawn.
-Leanne doesn’t want to do balance because she’s afraid about being too literal...Blane sees no such issue! Hmmm, foreshadowing?
-Terri whining about something else, being a bossy-cow. Yawwwwn.
-Kenley hates it when people talk bad about her in front of her…SHE DOES IT ALL THE TIME!!!!! WTF Kenley. Cry about it. You probably would if you weren't too busy blowing off advice by Tim Gunn (the ever-fabulous-and-flawless-full-of-infinite-fashion-wisdom!) Fool!
-I really hope those aren’t sleeves….they look like peeps. Like the easter-candy.
-No, they're sleeves.
-Wesley’s back- therefore the producers will show him topless... they've been scare on man-candy for the gay-crowd.
-Stella gets her game-face on. And it's awesome. Finally, something awesome from Stella, after she's gone. Good.
-Terri’s dress looks a dead animal hanging up in cave. Any minute now, cavemen are going to burst in a rip pieces off of it or dance circles around it. Whatever they do with it, I'm sure no one would think to wear it.
-Apparently, Kenley is trying to get her a-s-s kicked off. WHO SASSES HEIDI?!
-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! I love Daniel V.!
-Kenley, just because you laugh after you say something sassy doesn’t make it less mean or less likely to get you sent home.
-Product placement! Mineral wear make-up anyone?

QUOTES!

"Do-it, to-it?" Tim Gunn.

That's it.

Onto the Avant-garde.

First, let us define Avant-garde, because several of the designers seemed to be confused by this standard industry term.

Ahem. Avant-garde, as defined by the ever-reliable wikipedia, is in the adjective form, used in English, to refer to people or works that are experimental or innovative, particularly with respect to art, culture, and politics.

Everyone clear, now? Suede? Note: the stress of such endeavors has caused Suede's mohawk to flatten to his dome. Poor man.

Leanne: How do I love Leanne, let me consider the avant-garde ways... Pushing the norm? Check. Innovative? Check. Still wearable? Check. It's no Christian Sirano, but it's dog-gone good.

Suede- Oh for the love. It's a boudoir look for Princess Jasmine. And it's wrinkled out the wazoo. Are you kidding me? STEAMING! Apparently, Princess J has already slept in it a couple of times by the looks of it. And that's about all it'd be good for, like a t-shirt with holes in all the wrong places.

Jerrell- Okay. The picture doesn't do the ferocious hidiousity of this garment justice. Look at what that skirt does to the model's body! It gives her big hips, and a belly! YICK! The jacket is fine. And the color-pattern-palette fits the avant-garde criteria. But at such a cost! Blugh!

Terri aka bossy-cow #2- I can't help but think of that demon-movie that Aaliyah (RIP) did before she died. The sleeves look like blown-up beetles. And she draped some heinous curtains from it. But thank love that she took off that dead animal vest. At least it's not pants, though.

Blane- Uhhhhh..... speechless. Well, dominatrix-cotton-candy-diaper-body-suit-pooped-out fabric. But otherwise, speechless. Is that one leg warmer on her left leg?

Joe- Sooo bomb. Homeboy made it work! And how.

Kenley- Oh my great aunt Fannie. And I don't even have an aunt Fannie. There isn't one decent, redeemable decision in this outfit. Huge sleeves does not make something innovative. Bad, bad choices. Much like the bad, bad choices she made on the runway arguing away with the judges. She can't last more than a week after fighting with Heidi. Not that they need a reason other than this hot mess to send her home.

Korto- pronounced Cut-toe. Apparently. Lovely, lovely, lovely. J'adore this dress. It's goddess-like and ethereal. YES!

Okay so obvious choices for top-three: Korto, Joe, Leanne.

And the winner is.......Jerrell?!

What? What? What? What? What ? WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
How did this happen?
And they spare Kenley?
I’m pissed.
Kenley is fake.
See ya Terri!
Bossy cow.
Kenley better go home next week. I’ll even keep Suede for another week to get rid of her. And that's saying something isn't it.

What?
And again, how did this happen? Jerrell?

Oh, and they also sent Blane home.
Like, duh.

Furstenbergababy

2008-09-08T18:37:00.000-05:00

Challenge: Design a look for FASHION LEGEND Diane von Furstenberg, inspired by the 1948 fashionable-espionage movie "A Foreign Affair." The designers were given EFFING FREE REIGN of Diane's personal fabric collection. (sidenote: are you kidding me, Diane?! You bold, bold genius woman. You had to know that you would get some a-s-s-u-g-l-y designs. And still such generosity!) The designers were also given Diane's look-book for inspiration.

Thoughts:
-Stella aka Trashbags fails at making coffee. I can't really hold that against her, though, because I fail when I try to make it at home, too.
-Blane hopes that the fashion legend (before finding out it was Diane, obviously) is an Olsen twin. And yet another reason to send Blane home, now. No, now. He thinks the Olsen twins are fashion legends. They've barely stopped growing. Plus they aren't tan. Which is next to godliness in Blane's eyes.
-Leanimal............Qua?
-Suede would love to be a spy but his hair would be too obvious...hmmmm his hair? Only his hair?
-Kenley cries and cries and cries and cries.
-Terri isn't that nice, now is she?
- I love Tim Gunn. Times thrice.
-Kenley cries some more. Times thrice.

Quotes:

Whatever. Nothing stuck out after Blane rambled about wanting to marry Mary-Kate. And he's gay. Very gay. And we've already been over the other reason's that bogus.

Onward! Designs!

Winner: Leanimal! This outfit is so fab, I will even let that absurdarific spy-name pass. I can't say enough about this outfit. It's p-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n. Just send her straight past "Go" to Bryant Park already. She could show only this dress and be a sensation.

OUTARIFIC: Stella aka Trashbags! WAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Celebrations! I mean, it's truly awful. It's Dracula meets the 1996 JCPenny's Jr.'s collection. And not in a way that wants to be brought back. And the pants, well, speak for themselves.

Suede: Ahem. I believe that Jarrell will have to loan you his nickname "DeathbeforeIwearhisdesigns." What an atrocity. First, no one should have a love-affair with camo. Except maybe soldiers whose lives depend on it! The dress will do nothing for any woman. And the herringbone vest pairing is inexcusable, really. It covers up the only wow-factor of the dress with as Christian would say "god-awful-hideousness."

Terri: Yawn. You are sassy. You make the same (attractive) thing every week. You squeezed by w/ an identical pattern yet again. Woo. STEP IT UP!

Tannorexic aka Blane: Well. I can appreciate the international appeal of this. The jacket is rockin', and you know how I love a good cravat-y scarf! The pants were a poor decision, but it's Blane and he had to make one. Blane, suggestion: Wide-legs are back. Embrace it.

Jerell: Whoops! Looks like Suede will have to give up the nickname after all. It's such a hot mess. I like the cerulean belt, though. But I doubt he made that.

Joe: This look got him in the bottom two. Sigh... It was a decent concept, but it just didn't work. It was poorly executed, and the colors didn't flow. I concur w/ the home-made tag, in fact I would go so far as to say "home-ec" even. Joe. You're a professional designer, there's no excuse for uneven seams.

Kenley- This is fab. Props. But, girl, you knew you couldn't win with one piece when everyone else sent down two minimum. AND you got sassy with Heidi. Careful, people that get sassy with Heidi (ahem! Daniel! cough!) don't last long.

Korto- (Is it pronounced "Cut-toe?") Love, love, love. Except for the quasi-bra straps. Leanimal and Korto for Bryant Park! YEAH!

Two go home next week (orrrrrr two days), suckas. Sooooo Blane and ???????

Sorry Sportsfans

2008-09-02T15:11:00.000-05:00

Sooooo....clearly I missed the last week. Only just last night did I see part of the episode.

Here is my recap:

Stella's boyfriend's name is "Ratbones."

Crybaby Keith got sent home. Siyanara, kimosabe.

Speechless. PR 05.06

2008-08-21T00:39:00.000-05:00

Oh sweet baby moses.

What can I even say about this episode? It was like the movie Xanadu. There's just too much to account.

The Challenge: Design a look for a Drag Queen.

Well, at least I can't accuse Bravo of being unoriginal this week.

Quotables. (sigh....)

-Blane uses "licious" as a suffix. I'm at a loss, really. Leanne refers to this habit of his [indirectly] as barflicious. And then the world blew up.
-That whole story about Suede's dress, grandfather, and Heada Lettuce.
-Anything said by the drag queens. EVERYTHING.
-Stella aka Trashbags "She's soggy lettuce!"
-Tim Gunn "It's like a teradactyl from a gay Jurassic Park" Blane thinks that Tim is complementing him. I'm, uh? What? Is he on tan-craq?
-Tim Gunn "Don't you you-know-what with me, sister!"
-Daniel"I'm not worried at all about Tim's critique." GAH! I'm sooooo over him! We should send him home immediately, just for saying that!
-Stella "...however, these broads aren't classy! Most of them wear really tacky S*** on the runway!" I mean, if they weren't drag queens, I would say that they should be deeply concerned about Stella aka Trashbags accusing them of poor taste.
-Micheal Kors "It's like a good bar-mitzvah moment!"
-Daniel says about forty times "I have a very high taste level. I'm very sophisticated. I'm very predictable and snobby." What? Okay, maybe not that last part, but come on! He's not freaking Oscar de la Renta! He is not designing for Dior! He is not the standard of taste and class! I'm! Just! So! Tired! of! GRRRRR!

Thoughts

Yeah, I had a lot of thoughts this episode.

So many thoughts. So many... Sooooo...... Shhaaarks.....

-Namely, RuPaul looks like The Mummy, Returns.

-And Daniel, how I loathe when you open your mouth... And when you ignore Tim Gunn and make whatever you want.

-And AHK! RuPaul!

-And I love the look of fear that Daniel gets when he realizes that he's gonna be in the bottom-again.

The Queenly Procession:

Winner: Joe! Good for him! They didn't discriminate against his hetero status! This outfit is funny, and gauddy, and does what it's supposed to. Great job, Joe! (I will say though, that when RupPaul said that it covered up the candy, a piece of me died.)

Should have won: LeAnne! SERIOUSLY?! This is perfection. Not only does it fit the personality and taste of her queen, make her look great, but it's just conceptual enough to be couture as well! Couture Drag?! She should have been a shoo-in! Sorry, Leanne, but hopefully all of this failure to notice you will mean that you sneak right past everyone into Bryant Park!

Terri- Woo! Yowzas. Well, it's original. It's frightening. It's over-the-top. It's...I....yeah.

Korto- Korto clearly had fun with this challenge. I like her! The sculpted flames are innovative and brilliant; the outfit overall is whitty and sharp. It does all the right things for her Queen. Bravo, Korto!

Shoulda been in the bottom: Stella. I swear, she must be casting spells over the judges to still be on this show. The only passable thing she has yet to send down the runway was what she did in the team challenge-i.e., not hers! Tim Gunn refered to the bottom hem of this dress as a doggie door. And trust me, he wasn't implying that it was cute. Oh sweet nelly. Trashbags needs to be placed on the curb.

Kenley- Ohhh pah-leeze. This could have been done so much better! This silver fabric is hooker-chic, not queeny-gaudy.

Suede- I must admit, all the "whackadoodle" drama that went down over this outfit in clips and soundbites, I thought for sure that suede was going to get the boot. I mean, she looks like the love child of a Flinstoned Godzilla and a Cabbage Patch Doll.

Blane- Three words: Neon. Gay. Pterodactyl. ORRRRR Send. Blane. Home.

Jerell- He reins himself in on the drag queen challenge?! WHAT??! He made freaking Little Bo Peep for the Olympic Challenge, and he makes an ever-so-barely-hideous bar mitzvah dress that M.K.'s great aunt would wear? Bah! He deserved that slap on the wrist.

Keith- I almost vom'ed when I saw this. I assume you did, too. So we'll just leave the rest unspoken. But Crap!

OUT: Daniel. This sherbet explosion had to get the boot. I mean the dress is elegant and fun, but not THAT classy, Mr. I-have-a-very-high-level-of-taste. And I think it actually makes his queen look MORE manly. The judges agree. Bye-bye!

Next week looks like it's going to be another dumb non-fabric-materials challenge that has nothing to do with challenging design or high-fashion. Nice going, producers. Another one bites the dust (hey-hey!), another one bites the dust.

Just so uninspired: Project Runway 05-05

2008-08-13T22:05:00.000-05:00

Uninspired. This is the title (or should have been) for this episode. The designers, ho-hum-uninspired...sigh..... Therefore, my blog-ability is as well. I'm so disappointed.

The Challenge-
Design an outfit for Brooke Shield's character on her show lipstick jungle. This is also a team challenge.
Reasons why the designers should have FREAKED OUT AND BUSTED A MOVE:
1) It's Brooke Shields people! A-Lister. Former Calvin Klein model. Hottie.
2) Lipstick Jungle is (trying to be) Sex in the City, round 2. Get it, designers? FASHION IS A CHARACTER ON THE SHOW. They are going for iconic and trend-setting. Not hideous or boring.
Reasons why the designers failed to see the excitement and put forth any reasonable amount of effort:
1) They are all actually fifty-percent deaf. At least.
2) They all secretly want to give Tim Gunn a stroke. But how could you? I mean HOW COULD YOU?! He's a wonderful, wonderful man. I want to have him over for dinner parties.
3) They are gunning for jobs designing doll-clothes for Mattel.
4) They actually hate celebrities, like poor, beautiful Natalie Portman who also had to watch a parade of mediocre outfits down a runway and stifle her yawns.
Quotables:

Blane aka Tanfriedfillet- "Team Dramalicious...Oh! I forgot the door."
B-"I just really don't want it to be Hilary." (In response to hearing that they would be designing for a powerful woman. Me either, B. That would be a tough-y.)
Stella aka Trashbags- "I hope it's Sharon Osborn: Queen of Rock! I mean, she's a business woman..." (Oh Stella, being a judge on America's Got Talent w/ the Hoff does not automatically put you into this category.)
Tim Gunn- "It looks like a big sweet potato." (Incidentally, I LOVE sweet potatoes. They are one of my favorite foods.)
TG- "Please borrow appropriately from the Bluefly accessory wall..." (Which of course makes me wonder what the H happened to inspire the word "appropriately!" Come on Bravo! Let a girl in on the secret!)
TG to Trashbags- "She's still got to go to work in it though." (Listen up Stella! When Tim Gunn says this, he means that your outfit is going to FAIL. Luckily, she wasn't selected.)
Did anyone else notice Joe say, "Hey Nina..." all flirtatious?! Like, woah! He straight! AND he married!

Thoughts as things shape up:

Jarell commits to make something sexy and simple. Oh, thank heaven. I'll believe it when I see it, though.
Who is this Keith-person that keeps talking? Why can't I remember a designer for a week?
Terri- Throw Down! She's gonna fight someone before the season ends. I hope it's Suede, for my dollar.
It would appear that, by magic, the awfuls (Jarell and Stella) together make a reasonably attractive garment. Who knew?! It's like a green-tea cream frappacino in that way.
Catty, Catty, Catty. Apparently, these designers also never learned the fine-art of interacting with other people with any semblance of respect, or cordiality, or tact.

Snooooooze Snooooooooze Snooooooooze.

Designs! Luckily it was a team challenge, so I didn't have to look at so many average outfits this week. I mean, they were definitely still average for the most part, but you know, just not as many of them.

Korto/Joe- I like it. It's chic. The back is a little iffy. Too revealing. Sketchy fit. Overall, it was rather confusing. The materials didn't fit the concept. But whatevs. She had immunity anyway (which she, naturally, threw in everyone's faces.)

Kelli/Daniel- Hot MESS FOR SHOW. Micheal says "Slutty, slutty, slutty." I'm afraid this was destined to fail. Sorry, Kelli. Auf'd. But I want Daniel to go home, really. I'm tired of this sillyness. And blank stares at everyone.

Jerrell/Stella- Can't believe it. They made it work. Brooke hates the belt, though. Good effort, though! I'm proud!

Keith/Kenley. - I love this, I do. But to say it's original would be a bit of a stretch. But it does the job, it looks sharp, it translates day-night. Success! They win, and they deserved to!

Terri/Suede- IT's nice. It doesn't do anything for the body though. Once again, it's not NEW. Give me something NEW PLEASE. Stop exacerbating my urge to nap.

Blane/Leanne- Oh blane, oh blane, oh blane. The under-top is the only decent thing on there. The rest looks like No Boundaries-Walmart-brand.

For the round-up, Nina says "It's a question of taste." READ: This is how Nina says your look is trashy/slutty/god-awful-hideous. Daniel loves to say "I have very high-end taste. There's no question of this." CLEARLY, THERE IS! Doofus.

Gah. GAH! GAAAAHHH! People. Please. Do better next week. If not for me, do it for Tim Gunn.

distracted

2008-08-08T15:04:00.000-05:00

I only just heard about this case, of a neglected girl in Florida, today, but I read this article rivited twice. It's absolutely unbelieveable.

Ealier this week my boss, whose background is in Children and Family Services, alerted me to this site. It's online shopping for kids. No, not kid's clothing or books or toys, but for the kids themselves. A picture and a paragraph for a child. I'm appauled at the language-describing kids like couches, but then again, the Heart Gallery apparently saved little Dani in the above story.

Take a look, and I dare you to hold your heart intact. Then shake your head in wonderment with me asking what we can do. I really don't have any idea.

On a lighter note, though, I was driving behind a man in a minivan smoking a pipe yesterday- and I most definitely saw him wave his pipe in anger at the car in front of him. AND he had a beard, too. Ohhhh, bonus! It made my morning.

Titanic Drama: Episode 5-04 Project Runway

2008-08-06T23:05:00.000-05:00

Challenge: Design a look for the opening ceremony for the Olympic Games, in the footsteps of Amarmi and Ralph Lauren.

Guest Judge, Apollo Ohno, olympic athlete and fashion-savvy? Oh, be still fashion-heart!

Notable Quotes (and might I say FREAKING FINALLY! This episode was packed w/ gems!)

Who else? Tanorexic aka Blane-"I just wanna go tanning. Please."
Again, who else? Trashbags, that's who.- "I'm a true cave-girl. I like leathuh, I like fur." (vomit. kick her off before the challenge.)
Who's that guy that just said "Let the fashion games begin!"?
Terri- "A sister's gotta keep one eye open."
That one guy said that thing about fashion games again! It wasn't funny the first time.
Tanorexic- "In tanning I'm an olympic athlete. But it only goes to bronze."
Blane-"I keep getting paler and paler and weaker and weaker. "
TimGunn to Tanorexic-"It's looking a little Sgt. Pepper to me"
Blane (tool!)- "I don't know who that is."
TimGunn- "Oh God, youth."
Blane (about Jerell's outfit)-"And the Titanic drama, his heart will go on."
TimGunn to Daniel-"I don't know where's she from! Republic of Cocktail-land?"

You know, right now, I bet Tim Gunn is desperately missing Daniel V., Chloe, Laura, Jeffery, and even Santino. And Austin Scarlett, I'm sure as well, even though I didn't watch that season.

Thoughts:

-Stella's looking like a space drag-queen.
-Korto's using leather? Stella using black stretch satin? Whaa? Did we just flip downside into an alternate universe?
-Why is Stella akaTrashBags using hideous stretch-black satin? "Cuz it's space-age and modern." That's why she's doing black for the olympics.
-A million sound-bites of Kenley flirting with Daniel. Even though he's gay and dating Wesley. I like him less and less. Daniel V. Still my fav Daniel.
-Joe's doing a skort. O yes.
-Tim IS going to murder Blane. And Daniel (so we dont look like a bunch of wall flowers).
-YEEESSSSSSSSSS DRAMA. To which Suede says "whackadoodle" again.
-A million soundbites of everyone saying WAAAAAAAAA.
-Jarell- Outfit is still awful. Sooooo too much! So over-the-top. Santino would tell you to edit.
-finally. Finally. Finally.

Designs!

Korto-Sharp. Modern. Sophisticated. She wins? Oh, alright.

Suede-Skirt is deec. Shirt is awful. Ill-fitted hot mess.

Kelli, who?- Completely inapprop for the Olympics. And a little too retro even if it were.

Joe, Who-no-more! I was skeptical, but he won me over. Michael also questions the skort. He can't win because he likes women.

Leane-Sassy. Modern. Rawr. Could have been a bit better in the finishing department.

Daniel- so sad. "I was inspired by the forties." No really. "With the striking blue and the striking red. The color's very saturated." Micheal says, "If her sport is drinking, she's an Olympic athlete." Paha!

Jarell aka Deathbeforehisdesigns (yes, he's earned it now.)- Well, you know how I feel about this already. Nina hates it. Looks like maryhadalittlelamb. Muhshugaduh. (some polish expression for god-awful-hideous and completely inappropriate)

Stella-GAHHHHHH! Honest scream when I saw it. Ruthless nasty. I bet her model is about ready to no-show, like Keith's!

Keith-Whatevs. Forgot it before it was off the runway.

Kelli- does it again! You should have won girl! The judges really under-value you. But I would have to guess that your model was not in that tube-top in the slightest sense.

Jennifer-She's gotta go home. It's boring. Sweater looks like Christopher and Banks. IE- mothers everywhere would love it.

Blane akaTanorexic-HOT. Sgt. Pepper, who?

Kenley akaGigglypants-Off the mark. Needs red. Sharp failure, but what does she care? She had immunity this week.

Ouch harsh words Heidi. And Jennifer loses. It had to happen, but I would support a decision to send Stella akaTrashbags home at any point, if we needed an alternative.

Maureen reminded me that she describes her personal style as if Holly Gollightly were to visit a Salvador Dali exhibit. Surrealism? That's the most absurd thing ever! I definitely won't miss you.

PS-Maybe we should count the number of times I used the word "who" in the post. I bet it's excessive. Also, I didn't fall asleep in this episode, so that's an improvement.

Way back then...

2008-08-06T15:47:00.000-05:00

Remember when we used to collect soda-tabs? We used to put them on ugly chains, key chains, shoe strings, etc. I remember that I used to paint mine different colors with nail polish- the same frightening colors I used to paint my nails: all shades of neon, greens, and plenty of glitter. I think I got the idea from an American Girl magazine. But this was back when I wore t-necks, and vests w/ stirrup pants. Then I went to middle school. The trend was everywhere! I thought for once in my life I was on pace to something cool. Then I found out that each tab stood for a boy that you had kissed or some other slutty nonsense. I was ten. Most likely, I secretly still thought boys had coodies. Leave it to (adult) American Girl Magazine editors to eff something like that up. Look at me, Look at me! I’m a hooch-bomb. Apparently.

And life was simpler back then?

I think I was supposed to email someone about something or other today. It’s not looking good for whomever/whatever that was.

Project Runway: 5-03

2008-07-31T00:27:00.000-05:00

First. Pissed at Bravo for moving the replay back a half an hour. I'm too tired to be clever.

The Challenge (duh-duh-dunnnnn): Create an outfit for a New York night out inspired by a picture taken of, well, New York at night.

Second. Daniel totally confirmed the he-and-Wesley "connection"

Thoughts:

Suede is really going to have to stop speaking in third person. He may be a good designer, but it makes him sound like a total doofus.

Stella akaTrashBags is sound-bited as saying "I'll get ready in 10 minutes." Later, they show her looking completely homeless. Yay for sharp editing!

Tim Gunn looks so chic in rainwear! Everyone else fails to look chic in ponchos. Fools! HA! Everyone looks a-fool in a poncho.

Joe? Who's Joe? I guess he must be going home next.

Quotes!

Blane akaTannorexic- "I want to get all dolled up and go out on the town!"
"It's a party bus!"
"Is (yes, grammar-fiends, he said 'is') there any tanning salons down here?"
"I'm gonna eat you..." (Blane is on crack)
"Hey, Jarrell, do you have your mask on yet?" Jarrell (dangerously close to becoming 'akaDeathbeforeIwearhisdesigns')-" YEah...do you have your red shorts on?"
Stella akaTrashBags-"I'm going to die rock-n-roll. If you don't like it, get the f*** outta herr."

Another Stella-bite. Still homeless. Everyone else, still foolish in the ponchos.

And Heidi still calls Nina "Elle, Editor-at-Large" IE-Elle, editor-they-fired-but-she's-under-contract-with-the-show.

On to the designs!

Blane: Finally! A design that lives up to his eccentric personality. Flirty, unique, fab. And clearly Times-Square-inspired. Well, done, Blane. It's about time.

Daniel- You did not disappoint me this week, but it could have been better. It wasn't flawlessly executed, and I must say they have to like you, because they've sent a couple other chumps home for less.

Leanne- GAHHHH! I love this! She was inspired by a tree-grate in Columbus Square. It's delightful. Architectural, modern, versatile. Why didn't she win, oh why?

Kenley- This is the winning design. Sure, it's bright and fun. But the pattern does sort of look like a patio cushion in a retirement community in Florida.

Terri- ACKKK!!! Seriously. Frightening. Vinyl or pleather? It doesn't matter, does it? It's all god-awful-hideous.

Jarrell-His attempt at saving himself from becoming Jarrell akaDeathbeforehisdesigns. Not a great effort. Blah color. The shape has been done. YAWN. But I will stave off of the nickname for another week. But it hurts me.

Stella-"Because it's leatha" Only she used pleather. BLAUHGGG! Metallic pleather? My gag reflex can barely contain itself.

Joe- Who? Who's he? What's this dress? It's about as exciting and well-designed as a Barbie dress.

Korto- Boo for lack of innovation. Boo. She's a technician, though, undoubtedly.

Jennifer- Okay. Sure. I like it, but I don't know that I'd buy it. Too literal an interpretation of a clock, and therefore too costumey.

Everyone else- Who cares? Snores all around. Literally. I fell asleep during the runway. Step it up designers! You are my favorite show! You should be able to keep me from napping through your designs.

Emily- The losing design. Unfortunately for her, Blane did the same thing fifty times better to amplify her mediocrity in this challenge. Otherwise she may have skated by. But classy departure, Emily.

You can buy a lot of things, but you can't buy class.

Fire Hydrants save lives, ruin days.

2008-07-29T15:50:00.000-05:00

Did anyone know that you are not allowed to park within five feet of a fire hydrant? FIVE FEET. Not in front of the fire hydrant, sure, but FIVE FEET. AND no yellow curb! Well, that little slice of ignorance is going to cost me $38, a special gift courtesy of the KCPD.

Also, please listen to Sondre Lerche (pronounced lurk-Ay). Happy, happy music. Happiness even when you get unreasonably expensive parking tickets.

Project Runway: Green Week

2008-07-23T20:33:00.000-05:00

Challenge: design a cocktail dress for a young hollywood face, using green fabrics, SURPRISE the models get to pick the fabrics and SURPRISE! Natalie Portman is a guest judge!!!

Notable quotes were scarcer this week:
"[Some] look worried...team Ugly-brown-fabric over there, should be."
"Shiny, tight, and short is the quickest way to look cheap." (Yes, Nina just described everything sold at DEB's and Vanity's across the nation)

But Thank You Tim Gunn (please-come-to-my-house-for-dinner) for saying "Hot Mess!" It's my favorite behind what you (actually you didn't say) but the "Where's Andre?'s"

And in between, I saw some beer commercial that made me want to wear big hair and cat eyes every day.

ON TO THE RUNWAY. (Pics only of the notable/notorious designs)

Keith's model was wearing a window valence.

Wesley: SICK. disaster. It looks like I sewed it. And I don't sew.

Jerrel: death first.

Jennifer:Pretty, but I'll buy it at the Gap.

Daniel: clutch at-the-last-minute move sewing it together, but it looked a smidge Forever 21. I'm sorry, I hate to say it! I promise I was rooting for you!

Girlicious aka Tanorexic aka Blane- It was Deec. Meah. It looks like something he would wear.

Joe: Woof. VANITY wouldn't even pick that up.

Terri- Definitely should have gotten more attention. It was impeccable. Classy, not overly dressy, fresh. And NAVY people! Navy is not your everyday little-black-dress. Well, obviously.

Suede: Strips=AWESOME. I'd wear it in a heartbeat. Me and a million other women. But Kenley totally should have won that one. Sorry, Suedy. (Christian said it was too cheesy. He would! But sidenote: Wes and Daniel are dating. Christian was totally jealous! )

Kenley: Collar is da' Bomb. (A bit too Christian Siriano-like, maybe?). Classic, Chic, Elegant. (yesm, i said it Micheal Kors). Winner in my opinion though. Flawless.

Kelli: ohhhhhh nooooooo.

Leanne: conceptual. fairly modern. better as a whole look than just a dress. Too much. Even Santino would have said so. It was a prom dress for a gnome.

Stella: aka Trash bags. So bad, not even Natalie could act like she liked it. How did she get on? Lacing is awful. Everyone is glad it's out. Stop trying to rescue it. PLEASE.

Korto: It's well fitted, but sort of looked like the Jetson's car.

Adios Wesley. I'll miss you in your vintage oxfords and dad shorts. I wish that they had booted Stella (aka trash bags) and her heinous leather-lace-up wear, or Jarrel and his unforgivable ill-fitted disaster of a dress, but it was not meant to be.

Next Week: Ponchos. And I mean the functional ones. Watch solely for this.

P.S.- I promise I'm writing legit stuff, too. Stay posted for non-runway-writings soon.

Whackadoodle!

2008-07-17T00:18:00.000-05:00

cantsleepcantsleepwontsleepwontsleepdontsleepdontsleep.

Project Runway Season 5 has officially begun, and I love them already.

The challenge: use grocery store items to make an outfit.

Quotes of the night:

"Tim, I want you to meet girlicious."
"Well, my fabric is trash." (She was using a garbage bag. I think the irony was lost on her.)
"MY VEGGIES!"
"This is whackadoodle..."
"It looked like an old diaper." (It did. Like an old diaper blew up.)

Oh, how I missed Christian when a couple of those outfits debuted; to hear his voice saying "god-awful hideous!"

Kelly deserved the win. But I will say this, though. Daniel (I may have found another Daniel to love) took the blue plastic cup to levels of class that it had never dared to dream of all those decades of house parties.

And Heidi is still the fiercest auf-ing b in the business. Tim Gunn: please come to my house for dinner and be sure to say "Holla atcho boy!" on your way out. Never change, y'all, never change.

Explosive.

2008-07-05T00:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, America! I salute you. (Thank you, Katie Ger)

I love how on Independence Day (see Maureen's blog) the smell of gunpowder is on the air all day. Gunpowder and BBQ. I love how at night it looks like a thick fog has settled on the city, but it's actually smoke. This has been one of my top Fourth's for certain. The food was excellent, the company was tops, I laughed to the point of tears more than once, the weather was fly, and the fireworks were da' bomb. Two years ago, though, the fireworks beat out by just a hair. I was driving to Blue Springs to pick up a friend (the same day that my car got the permanent dent that is still on my driver's side panel), and there was this spot on the drive down Wood's Chapel Road where I came to the top of the hill and was assaulted on all sides by probably a dozen different fireworks displays. That spot had to be the best kept Fourth secret in the city. I had to pull over. All around me, sparks were shooting up into the air, the cracks and pops were rapid-firing, and the sky was quite literally lit up. My eyes couldn't even take it all in. But while all that was spectacular in every real way, what was more spectacular was that I couldn't help feeling that this was a show set up just for me, or a moment solely for my enjoyment.

God is so good. The past year has been a different type of journey for me. But I'm coming to see just a glimpse of how tender and gentle He has been as He heals me. How long-suffering and patient He is as He waits for me.

Tonight was beautiful. I hope it was for you, too. I think I will leave it at that. Except to say that it's moments like these I'm reminded just how much He delights in my delight. And that's just more than anyone could hope for.

cameratricks

2008-06-20T16:27:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I drove through the end of a rainbow. No really. I saw the end of it- where it hits the pavement, and then I drove through it. I saw the different colors of the spectrum reflecting off of the cars in front of me. There was no pot of gold, but there might as well have been.

I thought of this while I was driving today. I drove through a MASSIVE cloud of those fuzzy things that have been dancing all throughout the air the past week or so. It wasn't quite as magnificent as driving through a rainbow, but it was a pleasant experience regardless. It looked like the pillow fights they show in movies-you know, the kind that you have never had, where tuffs of fluff fly everywhere and cover everything and everyone. Camera tricks! It's like bubblebaths that are filled with bubbles.

In other news, I'm a silly, silly woman. Someday I'll write an entry about the foolish things I do- but they are currently still fresh enough to be embarrasing. But someday, I will tell you of my silliness, and then you will laugh with (at) me heartily!

But, despite my foolishness God is still faithful to me. It seems like all of these things in my life have been falling into place to create an environment of healing for me. I don’t understand it; I don’t know how to respond to it. Mostly, I’ve got more emotion than I know what to do with lately. But He is so good. So faithful. So true.

"Oh plunge me deep in love --
put out My senses,
leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind. "
-Sarah Teasdale

The Game

2008-06-09T11:24:00.001-05:00

The Game:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.

b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?

7. Dream vacation?

8. Favorite dessert?

9. What you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. One word to describe you.

12. Your Flickr name.

My Answers:

1. Rachel

2. Wine and Cheese

3. Christian Fellowship

4. Blue

5. Gabriel Macht

6. Mojito

7. Europe by Train
8. Cupcake

9. Writer, Painter, Friend
10. My Shepherd

11. Mess

12. Knees-in-water

Dragon

2008-06-06T15:16:00.000-05:00

Let’s talk about my homie C.S. Lewis for a minute. The man was a genius. In one of his books The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, there is a boy named Eustace who wanders off by himself to be lazy, takes a nap, and wakes up as a dragon. (For those of you that haven’t read it; I won’t spoil it, I guess you’ll just have to wait for the next movie to come out…) Eustace and I have a point of convergence.

I didn’t wander off into a cave; I wandered out of college and into adulthood. I didn’t take a nap, I just took a long and difficult walk through the woods. But here are Eustace and I at the same place, gazing into the same pool, slowing acknowledging the horrific reality of our transformation. Confusion and fear are only the tip of the iceberg. I stare at my reflection; the hideous snout, the wicked eyes, the fire in my lungs, and the scaly armor that has taken me captive. Where I had hands that comforted, now only brutish talons; eyes that once looked for beauty and intricacy, now only look at the surface; where I had words to love, now only fire, smoke, and snarls. I am a dragon in the truest meaning of the name.

This armor: what a thing to behold, it’s marvelous really. It’s thick, tough, and nearly impenetrable. I’ve come to rely on its protection- the safety of my scales. Wrapped in its defense, I learned how to capitalize on the gift of strength, and miracle of flight. But now it’s got to go. This thick skin, these ugly scales-they all have to go. In the book, there comes a point when Eustace has to fight for his release by clawing the scales off of his body. So here I am, sitting in a muddy stream allowing the hot steam of my tears and hurt disturb the landscape around me; scraping, clawing, scratching at my own scaly skin in painful futility. I’m over flying on my own, I’m tired of the destruction, and weary of the fire of my words. I want to trust in the protection of Another, I want to embrace the humility of my frailty, and fly only in the safety of the shadow of His wings. And so, in my own effort I scrape at my skin shedding one skin, then a second, and then a third but remain as dragon as ever. Until He says “You have to let me do it.” Now all I can do is try to sit still and let Him.

Oh, the redemption found in being known. It must be hard to love a dragon- but I am a loved lizard, completely despite the harshness of my exterior and the shame of my poor choices. It’s been a great week. It started with a late night conversation with an old friend to remind me where my feet are planted, and then a spontaneous worship service reminded me how I grow; the whispers of the former resonating in my spirit as loudly as the echoes off the walls of the latter. Each day of this week has been saturated with hugs and encouragement, wonderful time with old friends, and quality time with new ones; and all the while He sings over me and the rain pours down and runs over me like sheets of ice as I sit on a porch and listen to their music and pray for their hearts. And He sings over me, while He scrapes my scales, and the rain washes me, and He sings, He sings, He sings.

So thanks, dearest ones, for remembering, or believing, that there is beauty under all of this hideous strength. And thank you for being so very patient while this dragon becomes a little more human, and a little more holy, every day.

Unfair

2008-05-28T00:04:00.000-05:00

Are you effing kidding me?! The cutest little buggers on the face of the whole planet. Don't even try to tell me there is anything cuter.

This Old House

2008-05-22T23:28:00.000-05:00

I’m flirting with a great love affair with this city.

There’s a fountain at 50^th and State Line that, at night, feels like something out of fairy tales, or maybe memory. There’s a soft sound of remembrance in the water hitting itself, and a soft romance in the brightness of the yellow tulips against the icy blues of a full moon-lit evening. It’s about to rain. The ground already looks wet, and the sky is that pale lavender that’s too light for midnight. Lightening occasionally flashes in silence, almost like it’s trying to sneak up behind you. There’s such a deliciousness about the breeze that you want it to throw your hair into tangles and give you goosebumps.

Everything is something out of memory tonight. I have a memory of sitting on the front porch of the house that I grew up in, the murmur of the attic fan in the background. The air is cool, and bench is uncomfortable. I’m antsy and a little scared, but my daddy is next to me. Sometimes he has his guitar. The air is still for a minute. And then the breeze gets cooler, quicker. Thunder clears its throat in the distance. Rain begins a steady march over us. Then quicker, louder. I get bored too soon and go inside, dragging my hands against the uneven surface of the walls, textured by fifty years of paint. The moisture makes my feet stick the hardwood floor. I patter into my room with the pink walls. The pink walls that used to be blue, long before we moved in. I know this by the large chunks of paint that I’ve peeled off beneath the window sill. Even now I can see their exact spot in my mind. I remember the feelings of delight and guilt as I chipped away at small spots making them larger. All of the windows are open and the humidity and fresh air is stirring up the smells of old wood and paint, and marrying them with ones of spring and rain. I crawl between the cool softness of my sheets as it gets brisker and the rain gets louder; my pulse quickens and I consider running to my parents but decide to brave. Instead, I lay in quiet vanity focusing on my courage while the colors, smells, and gentle sounds of music and rain blur into the sleep of a seven-year-old.

Office Lighting

2008-05-07T14:58:00.000-05:00

There are water-droplets on the side on my Styrofoam cup: a dozen perfect little spheres standing up like proud tiny prisms turning the fluorescent glare of my office lights into something a bit more beautiful.

As always, I’m thinking about things far beyond standard-afternoon-office-business, and therefore mostly irrelevant to what I’m doing right now. It’s estimated that 100,000 people died in a cyclone in Myanmar, a 6.8 earthquake rattled Tokyo today, and food shortages continue to spark riots around the globe. I can’t help wondering how much longer all of this can go on. I can’t help feeling that as a planet, we are nearing that “something’s got to give” point. Granted, I’ve seen far too many end-of-the-world epics, and my imagination does tend to be a bit overactive in general; but the fact of the matter is that if we believe the Bible, then the end of the world is coming. I’m not going to go all eschatogious on you, but I’ve been thinking. I love my job. I actually like going to work. But, what exactly am I doing to bring the Kingdom of God. I mean, I know that I’m in the right place for right now. It’s just kind of hard to see the eternal significance of expense reports, budgets, and event planning. Bah! I’m just antsy.

Well, let’s just say that the Mother Theresa biography “Come Be My Light” will mess your world up. In a good way.

And the Desert Blooms

2008-04-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

Today is the type of day that poems are written for. Poets are inspired to write and readers inspired to read with rhyme and romance. Everyone comes together in an appreciation of true beauty. The sky is its most brilliant blue, the blanket boldest yellow; faces are sun-kissed and hair is wind-blown. And the very grass dances with such passionate grace that one feels certain it must sing as well. The lawn is freckled with violets and dandelions; perhaps they are weeds, but still they are the bearers of the wishes of our youth. Today is a day that the air smells like healing-it seems taboo to discuss anything but pleasant things. The sunlight, the perfect green of the new growth, the earth, and the air- all sing the unity of humanity and of nature and of the two of them together. All of them in a harmonious chorus of worship for the Creator. Every sigh of contentment is a whisper of thanksgiving to the Designer of this day.

Humanity is a loaded word. It can be used to describe something huge and vague or something deeply personal. Humanity is a hideous beautiful thing. All at once it sums up the best and worst parts of personality. It tells of sin, failure, and frailty; compassion, laughter, and life. Humanity is a painful joyous place to be. But maybe, maybe all this pain and discomfort and growth is the process of refining. When the Bible talks about the refining process of metals, I always thought of the end result. I never considered what it must be like to be "in it." I've definitely been "in it" for a good many months now. I'm a sad, broken, tarnished, beautiful thing at the mercy of my maker. The thing about refining is that it brings out the ugly. But the ugly doesn't just steam out and vanish into nothingness. No, unfortunately for me and those around me it floats to the top and gathers. It gathers and gathers and draws more to itself until it's hard to see what was underneath. But all that underneath is everything that it was and becoming more beautiful than before-still, hidden under the ugly. Ugly until the Creator comes to scrape it off. The scraping HURTS. Purification that makes the skin burn and the limbs ache and the heart faint, until everything glows with new light. Forgiveness. Holiness in all its icy fire, in all its unadulterated brilliance. Getting there, under all the ugly, I'm getting there.

"And the desert blooms, He makes all things new."

Unfin...ishe...d.

2008-04-10T22:27:00.000-05:00

I bought a bike yesterday.
I can't wait to ride it! I need to buy a helmet and lock for it, but I have grand plans for it! But it should be stated that I'm a poor follow-through on grand plans.
Things that I have had grand plans for in the past year:
1. Learning to play guitar
2. Refreshing my piano skills
3. Writing letters
4. (At least) 3 paintings
5. Learning to knit
6. Becoming awesome at sewing; starting with a t-shirt quilt, ending with my eventual appearance on Project Runway
Things currently in grand-plan process:
7. Herb garden
8. Teaching myself French
9. BIKE!
SOOOOOOO eight things to half-do in the course of a year is A LOT. Now I have a guitar, a keyboard, a lot of cards, half-painted canvases, knitting needles and yarn, a sewing machine, Pots, Rocks, and Soil, French books and CDs (on loan from the library though!), and a beautiful blue bike. All listed like that makes me seem a bit crazier than I realized. Just call me Cornflake.

Maybe all the unrest in my life is a need to learn to follow through.

Sinking in an Ocean of Grace

2008-03-11T00:57:00.000-05:00

What a crazy life this is.

The 'shuffle' option on ones' IPOD is ideal for mirroring thoughts about the complexities and diversities of life. Mine, for instance, will roll from Ray Lamontange to the Beatles, from Fiest to Nelly, from musical soundtracks to worship music, from Weezer to Justin Timberlake. Inside my IPOD, all of these genres, musicians, and bands, not only peacefully coexist, but enjoy rich friendship with each other.

Such is life. Life flows forward with its own temperamental moodiness, such that it seems to have little definitive direction or purpose. Sometimes its easy to feel that your life is just a mixed jumble of choppy rapids and stagnant pools. Day to day, even hour to hour, every minute is full of so much. The BIGNESS of life is shocking. Opportunities are endless. And still, the smallness of my life can be discouraging. How is it possible to be struck with both the grandiosity and insignificance of your life? Who knows. When I was younger, I had this idea that as I got older, the questions would get easier to answer. Not only do they get harder, but there are more of them. And still they keep coming forward, voicing their dissension, upsetting the status quo, until one feels like they may drown under their weight. What to do, what to do? How do we love one another? How do we fight for justice? How do we surrender the fight for our own interests? What does a life truly lived by Christ's commandments really look like? Which issues are the most pressing? Do politics even fit in? What to do, what to do? Where is the line between acceptance of a person and condoning things that you disagree with? What the hell is humility and how do I get ahold of it?! What does love look like? Why do we reserve it for a few, and withhold it from the rest? How do we pour out our lives? Where do we pour? What to do, what to do?

I wonder why we're so confused and crippled. And then I open up the New York Times and see articles about starvation, violence, disease, death, oppression, and war next to ads that tell me to spend more money, be more beautiful, have more stuff. There, it's impossible to hear about injustice without hearing about excess. Talk about disconnect. As my dear friend Mona would say, "What a freakin' nightmare!"

Questions, Questions, Questions. Failure, Failure, Failure. Oh, how I fail. Everyday. Everyday I choose my own needs over others; my own rights and justice for myself before sacrifice and humility; I choose who I'm going to love and affirm, and who I'm going to scorn and slight. I want to be filled with love abundant, but still I'm full of bitterness and selfishness and vanity. Drowning, Drowning, Drowning. In grace. This journey over rocks and deep pools, rushing, rushing, rushing; around trees, sharp bends running, running, running. Jesus, my Jesus, I'm sinking, sinking, sinking in your grace. Your overwhelming grace. Your grace and mercy that you sacrificed so much for me to use and abuse. Your grace that covers my failings, my miserable failings. Jesus, my Jesus, I'm sinking, sinking, sinking in your grace.

"If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking..."
-John Mark McMillian

The Upside-Down Kingdom

2008-02-25T22:55:00.000-06:00

Life is so big.

So full of choices. Decisions. People. Feelings. Words.

And each one is an opportunity for catastrophic failure.

Failure to love; to be patient; to be silent; to be faithful.

I'm an utter failure.

And there is my success.

Forgiveness.
If I boast in anything, let me boast in the cross of Christ.

Writer's Block.

2008-01-30T19:01:00.000-06:00

And this is what I'm afflicted with.

This disease has spread to all areas of my life that require written words: email correspondence, journaling, letter-writing, and applying for jobs. The sad thing is that there is probably more going on in my head than there ever has been before. Lately, I am equally amazed with and oppressed by the realization that my whole life is open before me. No more checkpoints or required to-dos (such as high school, then college graduation). Certainly there are plenty of "that could happen's" but nothing that I am planning for or working for. I'm not even working for a career yet-as evidenced by the fact that I am blissfully passing my days with caffeinated beverages, trendy music, and a sea of khaki, black, and green.

I suppose that I should explain that shortly after the last post, things with the spa fizzled completely, and I no longer work there. I should be grateful to them, I guess, as it was through them that I discovered some of my more endearing personality traits such as utter dislike, compulsive complaining, bitterness, and outright malice. What can I say? I'm a charming lady.

It feels good to be free. I haven't been free long, but I'm already starting to feel the benefits of this new freedom. But I will say that overall, I have no idea what to do with all of my free time. Free time has long been one of those fantasies that people talk about experiencing but don't really experience. You know like Hollywood romance, a good night's sleep, and a diet food that tastes just as good as the full-fat version. So then what do with this business now that I discover that it isn't just a fantasy? I'm utterly unaware of how to not be "doing" something all the time. I always find "somethings" to do. And by "somethings" I mean "nothings." So then, I've been really trying to make a concerted effort to do real "somethings." Since moving to KC, for instance, I haven't re-embraced my crime drama habit; and that in and of itself opens up LOADS of time. I'm trying to entertain myself less, and exert myself more. Reading, art, music, creating, being, stuff and things of that nature. And it's HARD, folks. REALLY HARD. It's exponentially harder in this new place, because all this time for thinking allows all sorts of detrimental thoughts to seep in. My least favorite is a daily evil whisper, "I'm ready to go home, now." And then I have to remind myself that I am home.

Home. Home? Where is this place and why are we so desperate to find it, to make it, and then inevitably, to leave it? Anyways. I am home now. At home in the hood of Kansas city. And I LOVE living in the city. I love driving under downtown on the way home. I love not being able to ignore the hurting around me. I love the old house that I live in (except for the fact that I'm convinced that my walls are actually just holographic aborations, and don't really exist due to the amount of cold air that they allow through.) (It also should be noted that I am typing this buried under blankets, and with gloves on. Nice.)

But I digress. The point, dear friends, is that I am learning. Learning to rest. Learning to relax. Learning to listen. Learning to forgive. Learning to pray. Learning to heal. Learning to wait. And as always, learning to love. Have patience with me: I'm destined to fail.

Doormats, Dinosaurs, and Commitment-Phobia

2008-01-04T17:02:00.000-06:00

Let me begin by saying that I can't even take it anymore.

If any of you have had a conversation with me recently, you've probably heard me talk (ie-rant) about my crazy employment situations. And when I say crazy, I mean like effin' crazy (see blog title). And I just can't take it anymore. I've spent everyday this week dreaming about ways to phrase my two weeks notice, and let's just say that several of the fantasies are more non-verbal communication. But, now that I'm an "adult" I don't want to needlessly burn any bridges, so I will try to be polite and articulate and get the hell out as fast as is reasonably possible.

Allow me to shoulder a part of the blame in the situation. It's not like I've had an outstanding attitude. But, as the vicious circle rolls, this is probably due to the fact that I work for inarticulate, passive-aggressive, unreasonable Loonies. That right, Loonies. The latest of the Loonies' larks seems to be driving their employees away. I'm an easy sell though, I'll leave gladly, you wouldn't even have to ask me nicely. But, feeling nicely I suppose, I have stuck it out for almost three months. No longer, friends. The camel's back has broken, and I'm about to make like a tree. I always told my friend that if she decided to leave, I'd be out after her before the door closed behind her. Yep, I am about to be out like trout. And I imagine that it may feel like the freedom of the ocean to a fish that has spent his life in an aquarium. (I'm never melodramatic. And I never exaggerate. Ever. Or spout sarcasm.)

I wish I could paint the colorful picture of the lunacy that I have lived with here for you, but it would be impossible. I'm not even sure that you would be able to understand if you could have seen the looks on my face whenever shady business went down right in front of my desk. These people have vaguely alluded that myself and fellow receptionists are unprofessional. My response would be a) what specifically {to which they never responded} and b) that "That's whack, fool!". I would have to say that this is the most unprofessional place I have ever worked, and that is compared to a place where the full time employee wore sweats to work every single day. Honest truth, friends. I couldn't make this crap up if I wanted to. Say what you will about Sweat-Pants-Sue and Pervy Pete, but they never once yelled at a customer in front of other customers.

Ah, well, so back to the grind of the job search. If any of you have connections with non-profits, event planners, cupcakeries, or the Travel Channel, let me know, I have a resume that's itchin' to see the world.