Thursday, September 11, 2008

Auf'd and At-Em'.

The Challenge: To design an avant-garde garment inspired by an astrological symbol. AND you get to work with an earlier-eliminated designer! BONUS (unless you're a bossycow like Terri).


-Terri hates everything. Shocker. Yawn.
-Leanne doesn’t want to do balance because she’s afraid about being too literal...Blane sees no such issue! Hmmm, foreshadowing?
-Terri whining about something else, being a bossy-cow. Yawwwwn.
-Kenley hates it when people talk bad about her in front of her…SHE DOES IT ALL THE TIME!!!!! WTF Kenley. Cry about it. You probably would if you weren't too busy blowing off advice by Tim Gunn (the ever-fabulous-and-flawless-full-of-infinite-fashion-wisdom!) Fool!
-I really hope those aren’t sleeves….they look like peeps. Like the easter-candy.
-No, they're sleeves.
-Wesley’s back- therefore the producers will show him topless... they've been scare on man-candy for the gay-crowd.
-Stella gets her game-face on. And it's awesome. Finally, something awesome from Stella, after she's gone. Good.
-Terri’s dress looks a dead animal hanging up in cave. Any minute now, cavemen are going to burst in a rip pieces off of it or dance circles around it. Whatever they do with it, I'm sure no one would think to wear it.
-Apparently, Kenley is trying to get her a-s-s kicked off. WHO SASSES HEIDI?!
-Kenley, just because you laugh after you say something sassy doesn’t make it less mean or less likely to get you sent home.
-Product placement! Mineral wear make-up anyone?


"Do-it, to-it?" Tim Gunn.

That's it.

Onto the Avant-garde.

First, let us define Avant-garde, because several of the designers seemed to be confused by this standard industry term.

Ahem. Avant-garde, as defined by the ever-reliable wikipedia, is in the adjective form, used in English, to refer to people or works that are experimental or innovative, particularly with respect to art, culture, and politics.

Everyone clear, now? Suede? Note: the stress of such endeavors has caused Suede's mohawk to flatten to his dome. Poor man.

Leanne: How do I love Leanne, let me consider the avant-garde ways... Pushing the norm? Check. Innovative? Check. Still wearable? Check. It's no Christian Sirano, but it's dog-gone good.

Suede- Oh for the love. It's a boudoir look for Princess Jasmine. And it's wrinkled out the wazoo. Are you kidding me? STEAMING! Apparently, Princess J has already slept in it a couple of times by the looks of it. And that's about all it'd be good for, like a t-shirt with holes in all the wrong places.

Jerrell- Okay. The picture doesn't do the ferocious hidiousity of this garment justice. Look at what that skirt does to the model's body! It gives her big hips, and a belly! YICK! The jacket is fine. And the color-pattern-palette fits the avant-garde criteria. But at such a cost! Blugh!

Terri aka bossy-cow #2- I can't help but think of that demon-movie that Aaliyah (RIP) did before she died. The sleeves look like blown-up beetles. And she draped some heinous curtains from it. But thank love that she took off that dead animal vest. At least it's not pants, though.

Blane- Uhhhhh..... speechless. Well, dominatrix-cotton-candy-diaper-body-suit-pooped-out fabric. But otherwise, speechless. Is that one leg warmer on her left leg?

Joe- Sooo bomb. Homeboy made it work! And how.

Kenley- Oh my great aunt Fannie. And I don't even have an aunt Fannie. There isn't one decent, redeemable decision in this outfit. Huge sleeves does not make something innovative. Bad, bad choices. Much like the bad, bad choices she made on the runway arguing away with the judges. She can't last more than a week after fighting with Heidi. Not that they need a reason other than this hot mess to send her home.

Korto- pronounced Cut-toe. Apparently. Lovely, lovely, lovely. J'adore this dress. It's goddess-like and ethereal. YES!

Okay so obvious choices for top-three: Korto, Joe, Leanne.

And the winner is.......Jerrell?!

How did this happen?
And they spare Kenley?
I’m pissed.
Kenley is fake.
See ya Terri!
Bossy cow.
Kenley better go home next week. I’ll even keep Suede for another week to get rid of her. And that's saying something isn't it.

And again, how did this happen? Jerrell?

Oh, and they also sent Blane home.
Like, duh.

1 comment:

Kaitlin said...

You should be payed for this. Who needs to watch the show, with a stunning recap like yours?