Thursday, August 21, 2008

Speechless. PR 05.06

Oh sweet baby moses.

What can I even say about this episode? It was like the movie Xanadu. There's just too much to account.

The Challenge: Design a look for a Drag Queen.

Well, at least I can't accuse Bravo of being unoriginal this week.

Quotables. (sigh....)

-Blane uses "licious" as a suffix. I'm at a loss, really. Leanne refers to this habit of his [indirectly] as barflicious. And then the world blew up.
-That whole story about Suede's dress, grandfather, and Heada Lettuce.
-Anything said by the drag queens. EVERYTHING.
-Stella aka Trashbags "She's soggy lettuce!"
-Tim Gunn "It's like a teradactyl from a gay Jurassic Park" Blane thinks that Tim is complementing him. I'm, uh? What? Is he on tan-craq?
-Tim Gunn "Don't you you-know-what with me, sister!"
-Daniel"I'm not worried at all about Tim's critique." GAH! I'm sooooo over him! We should send him home immediately, just for saying that!
-Stella "...however, these broads aren't classy! Most of them wear really tacky S*** on the runway!" I mean, if they weren't drag queens, I would say that they should be deeply concerned about Stella aka Trashbags accusing them of poor taste.
-Micheal Kors "It's like a good bar-mitzvah moment!"
-Daniel says about forty times "I have a very high taste level. I'm very sophisticated. I'm very predictable and snobby." What? Okay, maybe not that last part, but come on! He's not freaking Oscar de la Renta! He is not designing for Dior! He is not the standard of taste and class! I'm! Just! So! Tired! of! GRRRRR!


Yeah, I had a lot of thoughts this episode.

So many thoughts. So many... Sooooo...... Shhaaarks.....

-Namely, RuPaul looks like The Mummy, Returns.

-And Daniel, how I loathe when you open your mouth... And when you ignore Tim Gunn and make whatever you want.

-And AHK! RuPaul!

-And I love the look of fear that Daniel gets when he realizes that he's gonna be in the bottom-again.

The Queenly Procession:

Winner: Joe! Good for him! They didn't discriminate against his hetero status! This outfit is funny, and gauddy, and does what it's supposed to. Great job, Joe! (I will say though, that when RupPaul said that it covered up the candy, a piece of me died.)

Should have won: LeAnne! SERIOUSLY?! This is perfection. Not only does it fit the personality and taste of her queen, make her look great, but it's just conceptual enough to be couture as well! Couture Drag?! She should have been a shoo-in! Sorry, Leanne, but hopefully all of this failure to notice you will mean that you sneak right past everyone into Bryant Park!

Terri- Woo! Yowzas. Well, it's original. It's frightening. It's over-the-top. It's...I....yeah.

Korto- Korto clearly had fun with this challenge. I like her! The sculpted flames are innovative and brilliant; the outfit overall is whitty and sharp. It does all the right things for her Queen. Bravo, Korto!

Shoulda been in the bottom: Stella. I swear, she must be casting spells over the judges to still be on this show. The only passable thing she has yet to send down the runway was what she did in the team challenge-i.e., not hers! Tim Gunn refered to the bottom hem of this dress as a doggie door. And trust me, he wasn't implying that it was cute. Oh sweet nelly. Trashbags needs to be placed on the curb.

Kenley- Ohhh pah-leeze. This could have been done so much better! This silver fabric is hooker-chic, not queeny-gaudy.

Suede- I must admit, all the "whackadoodle" drama that went down over this outfit in clips and soundbites, I thought for sure that suede was going to get the boot. I mean, she looks like the love child of a Flinstoned Godzilla and a Cabbage Patch Doll.

Blane- Three words: Neon. Gay. Pterodactyl. ORRRRR Send. Blane. Home.

Jerell- He reins himself in on the drag queen challenge?! WHAT??! He made freaking Little Bo Peep for the Olympic Challenge, and he makes an ever-so-barely-hideous bar mitzvah dress that M.K.'s great aunt would wear? Bah! He deserved that slap on the wrist.

Keith- I almost vom'ed when I saw this. I assume you did, too. So we'll just leave the rest unspoken. But Crap!

OUT: Daniel. This sherbet explosion had to get the boot. I mean the dress is elegant and fun, but not THAT classy, Mr. I-have-a-very-high-level-of-taste. And I think it actually makes his queen look MORE manly. The judges agree. Bye-bye!

Next week looks like it's going to be another dumb non-fabric-materials challenge that has nothing to do with challenging design or high-fashion. Nice going, producers. Another one bites the dust (hey-hey!), another one bites the dust.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Just so uninspired: Project Runway 05-05

Uninspired. This is the title (or should have been) for this episode. The designers, ho-hum-uninspired...sigh..... Therefore, my blog-ability is as well. I'm so disappointed.

The Challenge-
Design an outfit for Brooke Shield's character on her show lipstick jungle. This is also a team challenge.
Reasons why the designers should have FREAKED OUT AND BUSTED A MOVE:
1) It's Brooke Shields people! A-Lister. Former Calvin Klein model. Hottie.
2) Lipstick Jungle is (trying to be) Sex in the City, round 2. Get it, designers? FASHION IS A CHARACTER ON THE SHOW. They are going for iconic and trend-setting. Not hideous or boring.
Reasons why the designers failed to see the excitement and put forth any reasonable amount of effort:
1) They are all actually fifty-percent deaf. At least.
2) They all secretly want to give Tim Gunn a stroke. But how could you? I mean HOW COULD YOU?! He's a wonderful, wonderful man. I want to have him over for dinner parties.
3) They are gunning for jobs designing doll-clothes for Mattel.
4) They actually hate celebrities, like poor, beautiful Natalie Portman who also had to watch a parade of mediocre outfits down a runway and stifle her yawns.

Blane aka Tanfriedfillet- "Team Dramalicious...Oh! I forgot the door."
B-"I just really don't want it to be Hilary." (In response to hearing that they would be designing for a powerful woman. Me either, B. That would be a tough-y.)
Stella aka Trashbags- "I hope it's Sharon Osborn: Queen of Rock! I mean, she's a business woman..." (Oh Stella, being a judge on America's Got Talent w/ the Hoff does not automatically put you into this category.)
Tim Gunn- "It looks like a big sweet potato." (Incidentally, I LOVE sweet potatoes. They are one of my favorite foods.)
TG- "Please borrow appropriately from the Bluefly accessory wall..." (Which of course makes me wonder what the H happened to inspire the word "appropriately!" Come on Bravo! Let a girl in on the secret!)
TG to Trashbags- "She's still got to go to work in it though." (Listen up Stella! When Tim Gunn says this, he means that your outfit is going to FAIL. Luckily, she wasn't selected.)
Did anyone else notice Joe say, "Hey Nina..." all flirtatious?! Like, woah! He straight! AND he married!

Thoughts as things shape up:

Jarell commits to make something sexy and simple. Oh, thank heaven. I'll believe it when I see it, though.
Who is this Keith-person that keeps talking? Why can't I remember a designer for a week?
Terri- Throw Down! She's gonna fight someone before the season ends. I hope it's Suede, for my dollar.
It would appear that, by magic, the awfuls (Jarell and Stella) together make a reasonably attractive garment. Who knew?! It's like a green-tea cream frappacino in that way.
Catty, Catty, Catty. Apparently, these designers also never learned the fine-art of interacting with other people with any semblance of respect, or cordiality, or tact.

Snooooooze Snooooooooze Snooooooooze.

Designs! Luckily it was a team challenge, so I didn't have to look at so many average outfits this week. I mean, they were definitely still average for the most part, but you know, just not as many of them.

Korto/Joe- I like it. It's chic. The back is a little iffy. Too revealing. Sketchy fit. Overall, it was rather confusing. The materials didn't fit the concept. But whatevs. She had immunity anyway (which she, naturally, threw in everyone's faces.)

Kelli/Daniel- Hot MESS FOR SHOW. Micheal says "Slutty, slutty, slutty." I'm afraid this was destined to fail. Sorry, Kelli. Auf'd. But I want Daniel to go home, really. I'm tired of this sillyness. And blank stares at everyone.

Jerrell/Stella- Can't believe it. They made it work. Brooke hates the belt, though. Good effort, though! I'm proud!

Keith/Kenley. - I love this, I do. But to say it's original would be a bit of a stretch. But it does the job, it looks sharp, it translates day-night. Success! They win, and they deserved to!

Terri/Suede- IT's nice. It doesn't do anything for the body though. Once again, it's not NEW. Give me something NEW PLEASE. Stop exacerbating my urge to nap.

Blane/Leanne- Oh blane, oh blane, oh blane. The under-top is the only decent thing on there. The rest looks like No Boundaries-Walmart-brand.

For the round-up, Nina says "It's a question of taste." READ: This is how Nina says your look is trashy/slutty/god-awful-hideous. Daniel loves to say "I have very high-end taste. There's no question of this." CLEARLY, THERE IS! Doofus.

Gah. GAH! GAAAAHHH! People. Please. Do better next week. If not for me, do it for Tim Gunn.

Friday, August 8, 2008


I only just heard about this case, of a neglected girl in Florida, today, but I read this article rivited twice. It's absolutely unbelieveable.

Ealier this week my boss, whose background is in Children and Family Services, alerted me to this site. It's online shopping for kids. No, not kid's clothing or books or toys, but for the kids themselves. A picture and a paragraph for a child. I'm appauled at the language-describing kids like couches, but then again, the Heart Gallery apparently saved little Dani in the above story.

Take a look, and I dare you to hold your heart intact. Then shake your head in wonderment with me asking what we can do. I really don't have any idea.

On a lighter note, though, I was driving behind a man in a minivan smoking a pipe yesterday- and I most definitely saw him wave his pipe in anger at the car in front of him. AND he had a beard, too. Ohhhh, bonus! It made my morning.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Titanic Drama: Episode 5-04 Project Runway

Challenge: Design a look for the opening ceremony for the Olympic Games, in the footsteps of Amarmi and Ralph Lauren.

Guest Judge, Apollo Ohno, olympic athlete and fashion-savvy? Oh, be still fashion-heart!

Notable Quotes (and might I say FREAKING FINALLY! This episode was packed w/ gems!)

Who else? Tanorexic aka Blane-"I just wanna go tanning. Please."
Again, who else? Trashbags, that's who.- "I'm a true cave-girl. I like leathuh, I like fur." (vomit. kick her off before the challenge.)
Who's that guy that just said "Let the fashion games begin!"?
Terri- "A sister's gotta keep one eye open."
That one guy said that thing about fashion games again! It wasn't funny the first time.
Tanorexic- "In tanning I'm an olympic athlete. But it only goes to bronze."
Blane-"I keep getting paler and paler and weaker and weaker. "
TimGunn to Tanorexic-"It's looking a little Sgt. Pepper to me"
Blane (tool!)- "I don't know who that is."
TimGunn- "Oh God, youth."
Blane (about Jerell's outfit)-"And the Titanic drama, his heart will go on."
TimGunn to Daniel-"I don't know where's she from! Republic of Cocktail-land?"

You know, right now, I bet Tim Gunn is desperately missing Daniel V., Chloe, Laura, Jeffery, and even Santino. And Austin Scarlett, I'm sure as well, even though I didn't watch that season.


-Stella's looking like a space drag-queen.
-Korto's using leather? Stella using black stretch satin? Whaa? Did we just flip downside into an alternate universe?
-Why is Stella akaTrashBags using hideous stretch-black satin? "Cuz it's space-age and modern." That's why she's doing black for the olympics.
-A million sound-bites of Kenley flirting with Daniel. Even though he's gay and dating Wesley. I like him less and less. Daniel V. Still my fav Daniel.
-Joe's doing a skort. O yes.
-Tim IS going to murder Blane. And Daniel (so we dont look like a bunch of wall flowers).
-YEEESSSSSSSSSS DRAMA. To which Suede says "whackadoodle" again.
-A million soundbites of everyone saying WAAAAAAAAA.
-Jarell- Outfit is still awful. Sooooo too much! So over-the-top. Santino would tell you to edit.
-finally. Finally. Finally.


Korto-Sharp. Modern. Sophisticated. She wins? Oh, alright.

Suede-Skirt is deec. Shirt is awful. Ill-fitted hot mess.

Kelli, who?- Completely inapprop for the Olympics. And a little too retro even if it were.

Joe, Who-no-more! I was skeptical, but he won me over. Michael also questions the skort. He can't win because he likes women.

Leane-Sassy. Modern. Rawr. Could have been a bit better in the finishing department.

Daniel- so sad. "I was inspired by the forties." No really. "With the striking blue and the striking red. The color's very saturated." Micheal says, "If her sport is drinking, she's an Olympic athlete." Paha!

Jarell aka Deathbeforehisdesigns (yes, he's earned it now.)- Well, you know how I feel about this already. Nina hates it. Looks like maryhadalittlelamb. Muhshugaduh. (some polish expression for god-awful-hideous and completely inappropriate)

Stella-GAHHHHHH! Honest scream when I saw it. Ruthless nasty. I bet her model is about ready to no-show, like Keith's!

Keith-Whatevs. Forgot it before it was off the runway.

Kelli- does it again! You should have won girl! The judges really under-value you. But I would have to guess that your model was not in that tube-top in the slightest sense.

Jennifer-She's gotta go home. It's boring. Sweater looks like Christopher and Banks. IE- mothers everywhere would love it.

Blane akaTanorexic-HOT. Sgt. Pepper, who?

Kenley akaGigglypants-Off the mark. Needs red. Sharp failure, but what does she care? She had immunity this week.

Ouch harsh words Heidi. And Jennifer loses. It had to happen, but I would support a decision to send Stella akaTrashbags home at any point, if we needed an alternative.

Maureen reminded me that she describes her personal style as if Holly Gollightly were to visit a Salvador Dali exhibit. Surrealism? That's the most absurd thing ever! I definitely won't miss you.

PS-Maybe we should count the number of times I used the word "who" in the post. I bet it's excessive. Also, I didn't fall asleep in this episode, so that's an improvement.

Way back then...

Remember when we used to collect soda-tabs? We used to put them on ugly chains, key chains, shoe strings, etc. I remember that I used to paint mine different colors with nail polish- the same frightening colors I used to paint my nails: all shades of neon, greens, and plenty of glitter. I think I got the idea from an American Girl magazine. But this was back when I wore t-necks, and vests w/ stirrup pants. Then I went to middle school. The trend was everywhere! I thought for once in my life I was on pace to something cool. Then I found out that each tab stood for a boy that you had kissed or some other slutty nonsense. I was ten. Most likely, I secretly still thought boys had coodies. Leave it to (adult) American Girl Magazine editors to eff something like that up. Look at me, Look at me! I’m a hooch-bomb. Apparently.

And life was simpler back then?

I think I was supposed to email someone about something or other today. It’s not looking good for whomever/whatever that was.