Thursday, July 31, 2008

Project Runway: 5-03

First. Pissed at Bravo for moving the replay back a half an hour. I'm too tired to be clever.

The Challenge (duh-duh-dunnnnn): Create an outfit for a New York night out inspired by a picture taken of, well, New York at night.

Second. Daniel totally confirmed the he-and-Wesley "connection"


Suede is really going to have to stop speaking in third person. He may be a good designer, but it makes him sound like a total doofus.

Stella akaTrashBags is sound-bited as saying "I'll get ready in 10 minutes." Later, they show her looking completely homeless. Yay for sharp editing!

Tim Gunn looks so chic in rainwear! Everyone else fails to look chic in ponchos. Fools! HA! Everyone looks a-fool in a poncho.

Joe? Who's Joe? I guess he must be going home next.


Blane akaTannorexic- "I want to get all dolled up and go out on the town!"
"It's a party bus!"
"Is (yes, grammar-fiends, he said 'is') there any tanning salons down here?"
"I'm gonna eat you..." (Blane is on crack)
"Hey, Jarrell, do you have your mask on yet?" Jarrell (dangerously close to becoming 'akaDeathbeforeIwearhisdesigns')-" you have your red shorts on?"
Stella akaTrashBags-"I'm going to die rock-n-roll. If you don't like it, get the f*** outta herr."

Another Stella-bite. Still homeless. Everyone else, still foolish in the ponchos.

And Heidi still calls Nina "Elle, Editor-at-Large" IE-Elle, editor-they-fired-but-she's-under-contract-with-the-show.

On to the designs!

Blane: Finally! A design that lives up to his eccentric personality. Flirty, unique, fab. And clearly Times-Square-inspired. Well, done, Blane. It's about time.

Daniel- You did not disappoint me this week, but it could have been better. It wasn't flawlessly executed, and I must say they have to like you, because they've sent a couple other chumps home for less.

Leanne- GAHHHH! I love this! She was inspired by a tree-grate in Columbus Square. It's delightful. Architectural, modern, versatile. Why didn't she win, oh why?

Kenley- This is the winning design. Sure, it's bright and fun. But the pattern does sort of look like a patio cushion in a retirement community in Florida.

Terri- ACKKK!!! Seriously. Frightening. Vinyl or pleather? It doesn't matter, does it? It's all god-awful-hideous.

Jarrell-His attempt at saving himself from becoming Jarrell akaDeathbeforehisdesigns. Not a great effort. Blah color. The shape has been done. YAWN. But I will stave off of the nickname for another week. But it hurts me.

Stella-"Because it's leatha" Only she used pleather. BLAUHGGG! Metallic pleather? My gag reflex can barely contain itself.

Joe- Who? Who's he? What's this dress? It's about as exciting and well-designed as a Barbie dress.

Korto- Boo for lack of innovation. Boo. She's a technician, though, undoubtedly.

Jennifer- Okay. Sure. I like it, but I don't know that I'd buy it. Too literal an interpretation of a clock, and therefore too costumey.

Everyone else- Who cares? Snores all around. Literally. I fell asleep during the runway. Step it up designers! You are my favorite show! You should be able to keep me from napping through your designs.

Emily- The losing design. Unfortunately for her, Blane did the same thing fifty times better to amplify her mediocrity in this challenge. Otherwise she may have skated by. But classy departure, Emily.

You can buy a lot of things, but you can't buy class.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Fire Hydrants save lives, ruin days.

Did anyone know that you are not allowed to park within five feet of a fire hydrant? FIVE FEET. Not in front of the fire hydrant, sure, but FIVE FEET. AND no yellow curb! Well, that little slice of ignorance is going to cost me $38, a special gift courtesy of the KCPD.

Also, please listen to Sondre Lerche (pronounced lurk-Ay). Happy, happy music. Happiness even when you get unreasonably expensive parking tickets.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Project Runway: Green Week

Challenge: design a cocktail dress for a young hollywood face, using green fabrics, SURPRISE the models get to pick the fabrics and SURPRISE! Natalie Portman is a guest judge!!!

Notable quotes were scarcer this week:
"[Some] look Ugly-brown-fabric over there, should be."
"Shiny, tight, and short is the quickest way to look cheap." (Yes, Nina just described everything sold at DEB's and Vanity's across the nation)

But Thank You Tim Gunn (please-come-to-my-house-for-dinner) for saying "Hot Mess!" It's my favorite behind what you (actually you didn't say) but the "Where's Andre?'s"

And in between, I saw some beer commercial that made me want to wear big hair and cat eyes every day.

ON TO THE RUNWAY. (Pics only of the notable/notorious designs)

Keith's model was wearing a window valence.

Wesley: SICK. disaster. It looks like I sewed it. And I don't sew.

Jerrel: death first.

Jennifer:Pretty, but I'll buy it at the Gap.

Daniel: clutch at-the-last-minute move sewing it together, but it looked a smidge Forever 21. I'm sorry, I hate to say it! I promise I was rooting for you!

Girlicious aka Tanorexic aka Blane- It was Deec. Meah. It looks like something he would wear.

Joe: Woof. VANITY wouldn't even pick that up.

Terri- Definitely should have gotten more attention. It was impeccable. Classy, not overly dressy, fresh. And NAVY people! Navy is not your everyday little-black-dress. Well, obviously.

Suede: Strips=AWESOME. I'd wear it in a heartbeat. Me and a million other women. But Kenley totally should have won that one. Sorry, Suedy. (Christian said it was too cheesy. He would! But sidenote: Wes and Daniel are dating. Christian was totally jealous! )

Kenley: Collar is da' Bomb. (A bit too Christian Siriano-like, maybe?). Classic, Chic, Elegant. (yesm, i said it Micheal Kors). Winner in my opinion though. Flawless.

Kelli: ohhhhhh nooooooo.

Leanne: conceptual. fairly modern. better as a whole look than just a dress. Too much. Even Santino would have said so. It was a prom dress for a gnome.

Stella: aka Trash bags. So bad, not even Natalie could act like she liked it. How did she get on? Lacing is awful. Everyone is glad it's out. Stop trying to rescue it. PLEASE.

Korto: It's well fitted, but sort of looked like the Jetson's car.

Adios Wesley. I'll miss you in your vintage oxfords and dad shorts. I wish that they had booted Stella (aka trash bags) and her heinous leather-lace-up wear, or Jarrel and his unforgivable ill-fitted disaster of a dress, but it was not meant to be.

Next Week: Ponchos. And I mean the functional ones. Watch solely for this.

P.S.- I promise I'm writing legit stuff, too. Stay posted for non-runway-writings soon.

Thursday, July 17, 2008



Project Runway Season 5 has officially begun, and I love them already.

The challenge: use grocery store items to make an outfit.

Quotes of the night:

"Tim, I want you to meet girlicious."
"Well, my fabric is trash." (She was using a garbage bag. I think the irony was lost on her.)
"This is whackadoodle..."
"It looked like an old diaper." (It did. Like an old diaper blew up.)

Oh, how I missed Christian when a couple of those outfits debuted; to hear his voice saying "god-awful hideous!"

Kelly deserved the win. But I will say this, though. Daniel (I may have found another Daniel to love) took the blue plastic cup to levels of class that it had never dared to dream of all those decades of house parties.

And Heidi is still the fiercest auf-ing b in the business. Tim Gunn: please come to my house for dinner and be sure to say "Holla atcho boy!" on your way out. Never change, y'all, never change.

Saturday, July 5, 2008


Happy Birthday, America! I salute you. (Thank you, Katie Ger)

I love how on Independence Day (see Maureen's blog) the smell of gunpowder is on the air all day. Gunpowder and BBQ. I love how at night it looks like a thick fog has settled on the city, but it's actually smoke. This has been one of my top Fourth's for certain. The food was excellent, the company was tops, I laughed to the point of tears more than once, the weather was fly, and the fireworks were da' bomb. Two years ago, though, the fireworks beat out by just a hair. I was driving to Blue Springs to pick up a friend (the same day that my car got the permanent dent that is still on my driver's side panel), and there was this spot on the drive down Wood's Chapel Road where I came to the top of the hill and was assaulted on all sides by probably a dozen different fireworks displays. That spot had to be the best kept Fourth secret in the city. I had to pull over. All around me, sparks were shooting up into the air, the cracks and pops were rapid-firing, and the sky was quite literally lit up. My eyes couldn't even take it all in. But while all that was spectacular in every real way, what was more spectacular was that I couldn't help feeling that this was a show set up just for me, or a moment solely for my enjoyment.

God is so good. The past year has been a different type of journey for me. But I'm coming to see just a glimpse of how tender and gentle He has been as He heals me. How long-suffering and patient He is as He waits for me.

Tonight was beautiful. I hope it was for you, too. I think I will leave it at that. Except to say that it's moments like these I'm reminded just how much He delights in my delight. And that's just more than anyone could hope for.