PR 5 x 10, and some other things.

Well, today is the first day of fall. This will be the third time I've said this today on-Internet, but I really want a dang Pumpkin Spice Latte, y'all. I mean, come on! H yes.

The Challenge: Design a look for a recent college grad just entering the work force. It's got to be hip, professional, true-to-the-designer, and appealing to the mother's. Easy-peasy, right? WHAT?!

Thoughts:
-I’m still pretty thrilled that Terri is gone, sorry, I know she was a fan-favorite. She was a bossy cow.
-Kenley doesn’t understand what she was in the bottom last time…so her strategy is to not really worry what the judges think…hmmm….good plan, Kenley-who-doesn’t-look-at-other-lines.
-I think Heidi is wearing a Rami on the challenge-runway.
-The designers all look fearful at the appearance of the black velvet bag.
-Kenley has found a mini-me!
-Jerrell’s flirty-awkward vision is precious.
-Holly’s mother is out-of-control. The first thing out of her mouth, it’s obvious.
-What is Joe thinking!? Graphic designer, go nuts, yo! Joe’s girl doesn’t like the pin-stripe. So do something different with it! Make a dress!
-Leanne’s mother-daughter duo whining whining whining. (Hedda Lettuce?)
-Suede’s Jacket is six shades of hideous. Wait, so it the dress-top. How did he get here!? HOW?!
-Pocket-squares? Pocket-squares? What the H? Have I ever worn a pocket-square?
-You know, I wouldn’t mind Kenley’s incessant laughing at people if she wasn’t such a KenleyPretentiousFool- Meany-head about it!
-Kenley is hard at work assuring the transformation of her mini-me.
-Why does Kenley hate Tim Gunn? Why? WHY?! WHY?!
-Joe thinks he nailed the look. Clearly he’s going home.


Quotes:
Korto-“I don’t want to have to step on nobody cause they were talkin’ bout my mamma.”
Leanne- “…She looks like she’s twelve.” Hmmmmm….Leanne, this is the pot calling the kettle black.
Kenley- “I really like Anna, she’s sweet. She reminds me of me.” Kenley, don’t be a tool.
Korto- “Since Stella’s gone, I’m the queen of Luttha now!”
Kenley- “I’m gonna make the prettiest dress in the world!” Vom.
Suede- “Omigod. Suede found a pucci-esq print in purple!” It’s godawfulhideous! And most likely polyester. Poor choice.
Jerell- “My first job was working for McDonalds. I got all kinds of Big n’ Tasty’s, and I got bad skin from standing over a fryer!” I like Jerrell this episode. I will refrain from using his nickname as a result. Kenley will get one though, KenleyPretentiousFool.
Kenley- “…Not going to listen to that! I never really change anything for Tim Gunn.” WHAT?! She’s so off the face of this PR earth!
Suede- “Miniature Kenley!” BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Leanne- Cute, not best shape forHolly. Leanne’s original was so much better.

Korto- It works. I’m not crazy about it. It’s sharp though. Young? I don’t know about that…

Kenley aka Pretenstiousfool- Minikenley, minikenley, minikenley. Even her hair! Bah!

Joe. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong! At least Blane knew how to make a Hot Mess.


Jerrell- FAB. I would totally wear that. For once.

Suede- O CRAP. That’s soooo bad! Soooo bad! Those awful midevil sleeves! Nina has a lot of problems with it. And how couldn’t she?

Korto-In.
Winner: Jerrell! Okay! He can have it! It was the best.
Kenley-In.
Leanne-In.
Suede or Joe? Suede or Joe? Suede or Joe?
Joe is out.
Yes it was bad bad bad.
But Suede’s never done anything good!
GAH!
Whatever.

So close to Bryant Park. If Suede goes, I'll sue.

Auf'd and At-Em'.

The Challenge: To design an avant-garde garment inspired by an astrological symbol. AND you get to work with an earlier-eliminated designer! BONUS (unless you're a bossycow like Terri).

Thoughts:

-Terri hates everything. Shocker. Yawn.
-Leanne doesn’t want to do balance because she’s afraid about being too literal...Blane sees no such issue! Hmmm, foreshadowing?
-Terri whining about something else, being a bossy-cow. Yawwwwn.
-Kenley hates it when people talk bad about her in front of her…SHE DOES IT ALL THE TIME!!!!! WTF Kenley. Cry about it. You probably would if you weren't too busy blowing off advice by Tim Gunn (the ever-fabulous-and-flawless-full-of-infinite-fashion-wisdom!) Fool!
-I really hope those aren’t sleeves….they look like peeps. Like the easter-candy.
-No, they're sleeves.
-Wesley’s back- therefore the producers will show him topless... they've been scare on man-candy for the gay-crowd.
-Stella gets her game-face on. And it's awesome. Finally, something awesome from Stella, after she's gone. Good.
-Terri’s dress looks a dead animal hanging up in cave. Any minute now, cavemen are going to burst in a rip pieces off of it or dance circles around it. Whatever they do with it, I'm sure no one would think to wear it.
-Apparently, Kenley is trying to get her a-s-s kicked off. WHO SASSES HEIDI?!
-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! I love Daniel V.!
-Kenley, just because you laugh after you say something sassy doesn’t make it less mean or less likely to get you sent home.
-Product placement! Mineral wear make-up anyone?

QUOTES!

"Do-it, to-it?" Tim Gunn.

That's it.


Onto the Avant-garde.

First, let us define Avant-garde, because several of the designers seemed to be confused by this standard industry term.

Ahem. Avant-garde, as defined by the ever-reliable wikipedia, is in the adjective form, used in English, to refer to people or works that are experimental or innovative, particularly with respect to art, culture, and politics.

Everyone clear, now? Suede? Note: the stress of such endeavors has caused Suede's mohawk to flatten to his dome. Poor man.




Leanne: How do I love Leanne, let me consider the avant-garde ways... Pushing the norm? Check. Innovative? Check. Still wearable? Check. It's no Christian Sirano, but it's dog-gone good.


Suede- Oh for the love. It's a boudoir look for Princess Jasmine. And it's wrinkled out the wazoo. Are you kidding me? STEAMING! Apparently, Princess J has already slept in it a couple of times by the looks of it. And that's about all it'd be good for, like a t-shirt with holes in all the wrong places.


Jerrell- Okay. The picture doesn't do the ferocious hidiousity of this garment justice. Look at what that skirt does to the model's body! It gives her big hips, and a belly! YICK! The jacket is fine. And the color-pattern-palette fits the avant-garde criteria. But at such a cost! Blugh!


Terri aka bossy-cow #2- I can't help but think of that demon-movie that Aaliyah (RIP) did before she died. The sleeves look like blown-up beetles. And she draped some heinous curtains from it. But thank love that she took off that dead animal vest. At least it's not pants, though.


Blane- Uhhhhh..... speechless. Well, dominatrix-cotton-candy-diaper-body-suit-pooped-out fabric. But otherwise, speechless. Is that one leg warmer on her left leg?


Joe- Sooo bomb. Homeboy made it work! And how.


Kenley- Oh my great aunt Fannie. And I don't even have an aunt Fannie. There isn't one decent, redeemable decision in this outfit. Huge sleeves does not make something innovative. Bad, bad choices. Much like the bad, bad choices she made on the runway arguing away with the judges. She can't last more than a week after fighting with Heidi. Not that they need a reason other than this hot mess to send her home.


Korto- pronounced Cut-toe. Apparently. Lovely, lovely, lovely. J'adore this dress. It's goddess-like and ethereal. YES!

Okay so obvious choices for top-three: Korto, Joe, Leanne.

And the winner is.......Jerrell?!

What? What? What? What? What ? WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
How did this happen?
And they spare Kenley?
I’m pissed.
Kenley is fake.
See ya Terri!
Bossy cow.
Kenley better go home next week. I’ll even keep Suede for another week to get rid of her. And that's saying something isn't it.

What?
And again, how did this happen? Jerrell?

Oh, and they also sent Blane home.
Like, duh.

Furstenbergababy

Challenge: Design a look for FASHION LEGEND Diane von Furstenberg, inspired by the 1948 fashionable-espionage movie "A Foreign Affair." The designers were given EFFING FREE REIGN of Diane's personal fabric collection. (sidenote: are you kidding me, Diane?! You bold, bold genius woman. You had to know that you would get some a-s-s-u-g-l-y designs. And still such generosity!) The designers were also given Diane's look-book for inspiration.

Thoughts:
-Stella aka Trashbags fails at making coffee. I can't really hold that against her, though, because I fail when I try to make it at home, too.
-Blane hopes that the fashion legend (before finding out it was Diane, obviously) is an Olsen twin. And yet another reason to send Blane home, now. No, now. He thinks the Olsen twins are fashion legends. They've barely stopped growing. Plus they aren't tan. Which is next to godliness in Blane's eyes.
-Leanimal............Qua?
-Suede would love to be a spy but his hair would be too obvious...hmmmm his hair? Only his hair?
-Kenley cries and cries and cries and cries.
-Terri isn't that nice, now is she?
- I love Tim Gunn. Times thrice.
-Kenley cries some more. Times thrice.

Quotes:

Whatever. Nothing stuck out after Blane rambled about wanting to marry Mary-Kate. And he's gay. Very gay. And we've already been over the other reason's that bogus.

Onward! Designs!



Winner: Leanimal! This outfit is so fab, I will even let that absurdarific spy-name pass. I can't say enough about this outfit. It's p-e-r-f-e-c-t-i-o-n. Just send her straight past "Go" to Bryant Park already. She could show only this dress and be a sensation.


OUTARIFIC: Stella aka Trashbags! WAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Celebrations! I mean, it's truly awful. It's Dracula meets the 1996 JCPenny's Jr.'s collection. And not in a way that wants to be brought back. And the pants, well, speak for themselves.


Suede: Ahem. I believe that Jarrell will have to loan you his nickname "DeathbeforeIwearhisdesigns." What an atrocity. First, no one should have a love-affair with camo. Except maybe soldiers whose lives depend on it! The dress will do nothing for any woman. And the herringbone vest pairing is inexcusable, really. It covers up the only wow-factor of the dress with as Christian would say "god-awful-hideousness."


Terri: Yawn. You are sassy. You make the same (attractive) thing every week. You squeezed by w/ an identical pattern yet again. Woo. STEP IT UP!


Tannorexic aka Blane: Well. I can appreciate the international appeal of this. The jacket is rockin', and you know how I love a good cravat-y scarf! The pants were a poor decision, but it's Blane and he had to make one. Blane, suggestion: Wide-legs are back. Embrace it.


Jerell: Whoops! Looks like Suede will have to give up the nickname after all. It's such a hot mess. I like the cerulean belt, though. But I doubt he made that.


Joe: This look got him in the bottom two. Sigh... It was a decent concept, but it just didn't work. It was poorly executed, and the colors didn't flow. I concur w/ the home-made tag, in fact I would go so far as to say "home-ec" even. Joe. You're a professional designer, there's no excuse for uneven seams.


Kenley- This is fab. Props. But, girl, you knew you couldn't win with one piece when everyone else sent down two minimum. AND you got sassy with Heidi. Careful, people that get sassy with Heidi (ahem! Daniel! cough!) don't last long.


Korto- (Is it pronounced "Cut-toe?") Love, love, love. Except for the quasi-bra straps. Leanimal and Korto for Bryant Park! YEAH!

Two go home next week (orrrrrr two days), suckas. Sooooo Blane and ???????

Sorry Sportsfans

Sooooo....clearly I missed the last week. Only just last night did I see part of the episode.

Here is my recap:

Stella's boyfriend's name is "Ratbones."

Crybaby Keith got sent home. Siyanara, kimosabe.

Speechless. PR 05.06

Oh sweet baby moses.

What can I even say about this episode? It was like the movie Xanadu. There's just too much to account.

The Challenge: Design a look for a Drag Queen.

Well, at least I can't accuse Bravo of being unoriginal this week.

Quotables. (sigh....)

-Blane uses "licious" as a suffix. I'm at a loss, really. Leanne refers to this habit of his [indirectly] as barflicious. And then the world blew up.
-That whole story about Suede's dress, grandfather, and Heada Lettuce.
-Anything said by the drag queens. EVERYTHING.
-Stella aka Trashbags "She's soggy lettuce!"
-Tim Gunn "It's like a teradactyl from a gay Jurassic Park" Blane thinks that Tim is complementing him. I'm, uh? What? Is he on tan-craq?
-Tim Gunn "Don't you you-know-what with me, sister!"
-Daniel"I'm not worried at all about Tim's critique." GAH! I'm sooooo over him! We should send him home immediately, just for saying that!
-Stella "...however, these broads aren't classy! Most of them wear really tacky S*** on the runway!" I mean, if they weren't drag queens, I would say that they should be deeply concerned about Stella aka Trashbags accusing them of poor taste.
-Micheal Kors "It's like a good bar-mitzvah moment!"
-Daniel says about forty times "I have a very high taste level. I'm very sophisticated. I'm very predictable and snobby." What? Okay, maybe not that last part, but come on! He's not freaking Oscar de la Renta! He is not designing for Dior! He is not the standard of taste and class! I'm! Just! So! Tired! of! GRRRRR!

Thoughts

Yeah, I had a lot of thoughts this episode.

So many thoughts. So many... Sooooo...... Shhaaarks.....

-Namely, RuPaul looks like The Mummy, Returns.

-And Daniel, how I loathe when you open your mouth... And when you ignore Tim Gunn and make whatever you want.

-And AHK! RuPaul!

-And I love the look of fear that Daniel gets when he realizes that he's gonna be in the bottom-again.


The Queenly Procession:




Winner: Joe! Good for him! They didn't discriminate against his hetero status! This outfit is funny, and gauddy, and does what it's supposed to. Great job, Joe! (I will say though, that when RupPaul said that it covered up the candy, a piece of me died.)




Should have won: LeAnne! SERIOUSLY?! This is perfection. Not only does it fit the personality and taste of her queen, make her look great, but it's just conceptual enough to be couture as well! Couture Drag?! She should have been a shoo-in! Sorry, Leanne, but hopefully all of this failure to notice you will mean that you sneak right past everyone into Bryant Park!


Terri- Woo! Yowzas. Well, it's original. It's frightening. It's over-the-top. It's...I....yeah.


Korto- Korto clearly had fun with this challenge. I like her! The sculpted flames are innovative and brilliant; the outfit overall is whitty and sharp. It does all the right things for her Queen. Bravo, Korto!


Shoulda been in the bottom: Stella. I swear, she must be casting spells over the judges to still be on this show. The only passable thing she has yet to send down the runway was what she did in the team challenge-i.e., not hers! Tim Gunn refered to the bottom hem of this dress as a doggie door. And trust me, he wasn't implying that it was cute. Oh sweet nelly. Trashbags needs to be placed on the curb.


Kenley- Ohhh pah-leeze. This could have been done so much better! This silver fabric is hooker-chic, not queeny-gaudy.



Suede- I must admit, all the "whackadoodle" drama that went down over this outfit in clips and soundbites, I thought for sure that suede was going to get the boot. I mean, she looks like the love child of a Flinstoned Godzilla and a Cabbage Patch Doll.


Blane- Three words: Neon. Gay. Pterodactyl. ORRRRR Send. Blane. Home.


Jerell- He reins himself in on the drag queen challenge?! WHAT??! He made freaking Little Bo Peep for the Olympic Challenge, and he makes an ever-so-barely-hideous bar mitzvah dress that M.K.'s great aunt would wear? Bah! He deserved that slap on the wrist.


Keith- I almost vom'ed when I saw this. I assume you did, too. So we'll just leave the rest unspoken. But Crap!


OUT: Daniel. This sherbet explosion had to get the boot. I mean the dress is elegant and fun, but not THAT classy, Mr. I-have-a-very-high-level-of-taste. And I think it actually makes his queen look MORE manly. The judges agree. Bye-bye!

Next week looks like it's going to be another dumb non-fabric-materials challenge that has nothing to do with challenging design or high-fashion. Nice going, producers. Another one bites the dust (hey-hey!), another one bites the dust.

Just so uninspired: Project Runway 05-05

Uninspired. This is the title (or should have been) for this episode. The designers, ho-hum-uninspired...sigh..... Therefore, my blog-ability is as well. I'm so disappointed.

The Challenge-
Design an outfit for Brooke Shield's character on her show lipstick jungle. This is also a team challenge.
Reasons why the designers should have FREAKED OUT AND BUSTED A MOVE:
1) It's Brooke Shields people! A-Lister. Former Calvin Klein model. Hottie.
2) Lipstick Jungle is (trying to be) Sex in the City, round 2. Get it, designers? FASHION IS A CHARACTER ON THE SHOW. They are going for iconic and trend-setting. Not hideous or boring.
Reasons why the designers failed to see the excitement and put forth any reasonable amount of effort:
1) They are all actually fifty-percent deaf. At least.
2) They all secretly want to give Tim Gunn a stroke. But how could you? I mean HOW COULD YOU?! He's a wonderful, wonderful man. I want to have him over for dinner parties.
3) They are gunning for jobs designing doll-clothes for Mattel.
4) They actually hate celebrities, like poor, beautiful Natalie Portman who also had to watch a parade of mediocre outfits down a runway and stifle her yawns.
Quotables:

Blane aka Tanfriedfillet- "Team Dramalicious...Oh! I forgot the door."
B-"I just really don't want it to be Hilary." (In response to hearing that they would be designing for a powerful woman. Me either, B. That would be a tough-y.)
Stella aka Trashbags- "I hope it's Sharon Osborn: Queen of Rock! I mean, she's a business woman..." (Oh Stella, being a judge on America's Got Talent w/ the Hoff does not automatically put you into this category.)
Tim Gunn- "It looks like a big sweet potato." (Incidentally, I LOVE sweet potatoes. They are one of my favorite foods.)
TG- "Please borrow appropriately from the Bluefly accessory wall..." (Which of course makes me wonder what the H happened to inspire the word "appropriately!" Come on Bravo! Let a girl in on the secret!)
TG to Trashbags- "She's still got to go to work in it though." (Listen up Stella! When Tim Gunn says this, he means that your outfit is going to FAIL. Luckily, she wasn't selected.)
Did anyone else notice Joe say, "Hey Nina..." all flirtatious?! Like, woah! He straight! AND he married!

Thoughts as things shape up:

Jarell commits to make something sexy and simple. Oh, thank heaven. I'll believe it when I see it, though.
Who is this Keith-person that keeps talking? Why can't I remember a designer for a week?
Terri- Throw Down! She's gonna fight someone before the season ends. I hope it's Suede, for my dollar.
It would appear that, by magic, the awfuls (Jarell and Stella) together make a reasonably attractive garment. Who knew?! It's like a green-tea cream frappacino in that way.
Catty, Catty, Catty. Apparently, these designers also never learned the fine-art of interacting with other people with any semblance of respect, or cordiality, or tact.

Snooooooze Snooooooooze Snooooooooze.

Designs! Luckily it was a team challenge, so I didn't have to look at so many average outfits this week. I mean, they were definitely still average for the most part, but you know, just not as many of them.




Korto/Joe- I like it. It's chic. The back is a little iffy. Too revealing. Sketchy fit. Overall, it was rather confusing. The materials didn't fit the concept. But whatevs. She had immunity anyway (which she, naturally, threw in everyone's faces.)



Kelli/Daniel- Hot MESS FOR SHOW. Micheal says "Slutty, slutty, slutty." I'm afraid this was destined to fail. Sorry, Kelli. Auf'd. But I want Daniel to go home, really. I'm tired of this sillyness. And blank stares at everyone.



Jerrell/Stella- Can't believe it. They made it work. Brooke hates the belt, though. Good effort, though! I'm proud!



Keith/Kenley. - I love this, I do. But to say it's original would be a bit of a stretch. But it does the job, it looks sharp, it translates day-night. Success! They win, and they deserved to!



Terri/Suede- IT's nice. It doesn't do anything for the body though. Once again, it's not NEW. Give me something NEW PLEASE. Stop exacerbating my urge to nap.



Blane/Leanne- Oh blane, oh blane, oh blane. The under-top is the only decent thing on there. The rest looks like No Boundaries-Walmart-brand.

For the round-up, Nina says "It's a question of taste." READ: This is how Nina says your look is trashy/slutty/god-awful-hideous. Daniel loves to say "I have very high-end taste. There's no question of this." CLEARLY, THERE IS! Doofus.

Gah. GAH! GAAAAHHH! People. Please. Do better next week. If not for me, do it for Tim Gunn.

distracted

I only just heard about this case, of a neglected girl in Florida, today, but I read this article rivited twice. It's absolutely unbelieveable.

Ealier this week my boss, whose background is in Children and Family Services, alerted me to this site. It's online shopping for kids. No, not kid's clothing or books or toys, but for the kids themselves. A picture and a paragraph for a child. I'm appauled at the language-describing kids like couches, but then again, the Heart Gallery apparently saved little Dani in the above story.

Take a look, and I dare you to hold your heart intact. Then shake your head in wonderment with me asking what we can do. I really don't have any idea.

On a lighter note, though, I was driving behind a man in a minivan smoking a pipe yesterday- and I most definitely saw him wave his pipe in anger at the car in front of him. AND he had a beard, too. Ohhhh, bonus! It made my morning.